tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-119256752012-02-11T06:45:59.153-08:00Clawing to escape the belly of the beast here in Hollywood. To commiserate, email my name assistantatlas at yahoo.Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.comBlogger3761100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-10301469367318052042009-05-07T20:09:00.000-07:002009-05-07T20:45:22.993-07:00

Hi kids. Miss me? I'm back just because I need to do that thing where I praise people who don't totally suck. Because we could all use a little happy, no?Nikki Finke is the only journalist I can think of working the Hollywood beat who is actually dedicated to reporting the truth about it, unblurred by the studios, agents, stars or anyone else for that matter. She beats--consistently, easily,

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com54tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-56177712106828850212009-03-10T21:24:00.000-07:002009-03-10T21:40:31.769-07:00

Heath Ledger's death is a terrible loss for art.I want that to be said about me when I die, btw. And I want it to be true.The dude entrusted with his roles should be Joseph Gordon-Levitt. It goes beyond the fact they both had breakout movie roles in 10 Things I Hate About You. It's the fact that both can act and both act in interesting roles to the point where one is not quite sure what he's

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-86734620339917709232009-02-17T23:09:00.000-08:002009-02-17T23:35:04.484-08:00

I hate politics.I really do.I talk about it/them a lot, but only because I have to. Because politics, like media, is intimately tied to almost every important idea in 21st century America/Amurika.So that sux.If you haven't heard of it, Wonkette.com is a satirical website about politics that used to be a part of the Gawker Empire. But like many great ideas in Hollywood, they were spun off. One its

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-76092471022547948452008-09-02T19:43:00.000-07:002008-09-02T20:19:19.972-07:00

Most offices go through assistants like Kleenex in Hollywood, and ours is no exception. So we're almost constantly hiring, it seems. I told you a bit about that process previously. Today, our office manager (let's call her Jeanette) and my friend/immediate supervisor (Sarah) interviewed this dude we'll call Richard Simmons.Now to get right to the point, let's just say that Richard was (and is)

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-68393744048045044512008-07-22T16:58:00.000-07:002008-07-22T17:17:38.514-07:00

John McCain's seemingly-hot-but-actually-not daughter Meghan (seriously, an unnecessary 'h'?) has become friends with Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt from The Hills because apparently idiocy loves company.Now the LA Times reports that Spence and Heidi are interested in using their new connection to go to Iraq to 'entertain the troops.'Those poor effing troops.On the upside, though, this is may be

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-33789893863985480352008-07-09T15:35:00.000-07:002008-07-10T18:14:09.759-07:00

Recently, we've had to hire a few new people for our growing office, a couple of assistant types, basically. The jobs ain't tough--just your standard coffee-bringer-photocopying-call-rolling jobs--and thanks to the crappy economy and the lure of Hollywood, there were a lot of applicants.So I was enlisted to try and go through the stacks of resumes, help out with some phone pre-interviews, and

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-12023155558352041642008-07-08T16:25:00.000-07:002008-07-08T17:30:33.390-07:00

If you've ever wondered why Hollywood movies suck so much, look no further than the chief censor-harpy of CARA, the Classification and Ratings Administration for the MPAA (Muthafuckin Pathological A-hole "Artists").Her name is Joan Graves, and she is the reason. Defamer ran a piece on this cuntface and it brought back so many memories......Of Joan Graves eviscerating a terribly smart little indie

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-35863928057047875272008-01-08T21:46:00.000-08:002008-01-08T22:43:47.562-08:00

I can't talk about the writer's strike--it just makes me too sad. I just wish both sides would start acting like grown-ups and get this thing over with. Instead, there's this...I know you could probably care less about an op-ed piece in The New York Times, but I just read one and it made me confused and sad. This one was by Gloria Steinem, one of the leading lights of the women's rights movement

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-69680870896100644192007-11-25T17:45:00.000-08:002007-11-25T18:41:08.464-08:00

The Writer's Guild is standing up for the rights of the Mash-Up Generation. (that's us youngin's, btw, who've grown up in an age where truly creating your identity from ever more disparate strands is the defining choice of Americans)That's why they're on strike.So support them.And I'd like to offer a helpful hint to studios--think about what ultimately happens if you try to crush the writer's

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-47401647217488609892007-10-11T19:25:00.000-07:002007-11-25T18:05:12.974-08:00

On this national day of coming out, I would like to announce that I am proud to be gayer than most heterosexual twentysomething males.Because the simple fact is, gay people are awesome. As a Hollywood assistant, I know that they are at least three to four times as awesome on average than your stereotypical straight guy.Why? I don't know exactly. But really, do we ask why the sky is blue?Usually,

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-44199320088217635842007-09-05T22:13:00.000-07:002007-09-05T23:20:53.182-07:00

I apologize for the provocative title, but I had to get your attention, didn't I?Because this Hollywood assistant has something to say about politics. My generation isn't supposed to be into politics because....why again? I've forgotten if there are any other excuses for young people not being engaged besides apathy...Are there any more excuses? With us youngins being into the interwebs and

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-75049087737808498612007-08-16T18:55:00.000-07:002007-08-16T20:50:34.526-07:00

Still working on the new job...more on that soon...until then, this...A friend and I got to talking about politics last night and we both kinda surprised to remember that YouTube didn't even exist during the last presidential election. Funny how everyday online video has become.Anyway, a number of interesting political videos has appeared online, including Obama's "Vote Different/Hillary=1984"

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-31746415994742768932007-07-25T21:53:00.000-07:002007-07-25T21:55:43.968-07:00

I've had it.I'm fed up.I'm getting a new job.Don't tell anyone.And I kinda want to move to New York so I don't have to deal with traffic ever again.They have Hollywood in New York, and it's kinda like here, right?Gulp.

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-65381892681354747752007-07-02T20:41:00.000-07:002007-07-10T00:05:03.887-07:00

I don't usually write about the dreams I have, but I think I absolutely must write about this one. Because it's totally my subconscious trying to tell me something.In my subconscious, Posh Spice-Beckham totally tears out this dude's eyeball...and then--well, we'll get to that.Basically, in my dream, I'm walking past Kitson at 3rd and Robertson-- of course, this is dream 3rd and Robertson, so

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-75244980043818300752007-07-01T18:09:00.000-07:002007-07-01T19:29:54.680-07:00

First off, a special shout-out to my congressional representative, Jane Harman. You are a corrupt, self-serving, ignorant harpy, Jane Harman. You've been a horrible Congresswoman and if your district wasn't gerrymandered as hell, someone halfway competent might've knocked your self-serving behind out of Congress by now. And if you think Jane Harman is a nice, harmless old lady, let me just

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-30835382766882902652007-06-24T20:13:00.000-07:002007-07-25T21:51:27.694-07:00

Like the Sopranos, my last season ended with a whimper, not with a bang. So that's what the Sopranos universe is about, apparently.As Net TV gets underway, the Sopranos might go down as one of the best that "broadcast" had to offer.Personally, I don't think it'll go down so adverserially. Among the birth pangs are a plethora of adamantly bizarre videos and audios, and the "canon" of early

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-31221475515807160642007-06-18T17:56:00.001-07:002007-07-02T21:43:31.599-07:00

Sorry about the long absence, kids. I know you missed me- I missed you, too. And I know you need an Atlas update. So here ya go: Still in the shadows... I've successfully manuevered an ally and friend into position as my direct boss by begging the uber-boss to hire her back. Unfortunately, sh*t still rolls downhill. Of course, now that I'm no longer the lowest person on the totem pole, I can

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-64634227314886264182007-04-19T19:56:00.000-07:002007-04-19T20:26:42.320-07:00

I did something very foolish recently.I believed what my bosses told me.I forgot that these are people whose jobs are essentially to massage the truth into an "acceptable" reality. And by "acceptable" I mean "warped beyond all recognition."And yet, when you work with people, a level of trust almost always necessarily grows between you, so it's easy to be sucked into that pit of

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-49685731188319557832007-03-12T19:42:00.000-07:002007-03-12T22:24:27.568-07:00

As longtime readers know, I live in the LA neighborhood known as Venice, or sometimes more descriptively, "Venice Beach". In recent years, Venice has been slowly undergoing a process known as gentrification.Only Gehry-designed gentrification is welcome.In my building, I can see this in new tenants, who tend to be whiter, whinier, douchebaggier, and richer than the previous ones.I rode in the

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-24093953604194225272007-03-07T22:30:00.000-08:002007-03-07T22:49:19.184-08:00

Sorry, kids, I know I've been gone forever and ever it seems. I'm sorry. I really am. But apparently, I love my job more than I love you.I know, it's harsh. But the thing is, my job gives me money and you don't. You cheap bastards.So I'm focusing on that. And they've been jetting me around the world, which is nice. I'm a big fan of jetsetting, overall.Sorta. You know how Canada can be. I

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1168331112698326562007-01-11T23:50:00.000-08:002007-01-12T23:28:51.794-08:00

So thanks to the ever-growing tech skills of the Roomie, the first four episodes of 24 have been torrented directly onto his G4. That would be the episodes that have their premiere on Fox this Sunday, January 14th and Monday, January 15th in 2-hour blocks. And yeah, they're awesome. If you haven't seen the show before, I highly recommend giving this season a shot. A lot of the characters are

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1168237273849586392007-01-07T22:11:00.000-08:002007-01-09T00:27:52.526-08:00

Happy New Year. Mine sucked. I'm already dreading work, but thank God for Martin Luther King, Jr., and his sweet holiday which I WILL be getting off this year. Anyway, I was catching up with my many emails and this one caught my eye. Feel free to send me these questions people. But be sure to Google the blog for answer before you do. Otherwise, I may not respond at all. And I'm making no

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1165980866846197882006-12-15T22:28:00.000-08:002006-12-15T23:15:18.056-08:00

Sorry about the lack of posting. Of course, no one really emailed to say they missed me all that much. You guys still visit, though, which is sweet.But here's what I learned.1) Doing exec duty/doody for awhile dulls the writing senses. As much as I thought not blogging would lead to my working on my various scripts in an attempt to get paid the big bucks for writing small amounts (and plan for

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1164770889440475402006-12-01T19:19:00.000-08:002006-12-01T22:54:20.620-08:00

Sorry for the lack of posting lately....things in my life having been blowing up lately, from laptops to relationships and everything in between. Except the career, which has been going well, but leaves me with no time to deal with the explode-y parts of my life.As a treat for my absence, I took the time to verify some gossip that came my way....well, as best I could anonymously. And since I

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1164395211428175712006-11-24T10:53:00.000-08:002006-11-24T15:16:18.503-08:00

On this Thanksgiving weekend, why not waste time on the Internet instead of talking with your family? Because really, you know you're just there for the food.So try these fun Internet time-wasters...The folks at Heavy.com are rapidly expanding their pop culture-mocking offerings. They may not have destroyed TV as we know it just yet but if they Check out this link for Heavy.com's "The

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1163221869976613212006-11-13T20:33:00.000-08:002006-11-14T09:16:04.333-08:00

I was treated to a lovely story today at work by the person I had been trying to get fired.Obviously, I have been unsuccessful thus far, so take that previous post there with that major caveat. You see, unfortunately, I've discovered that Chief Priestess is better connected in the biz than I'd suspected. And this makes it just about impossible to get her fired.Fortunately, I did take my own

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1162776917425850062006-11-06T08:27:00.000-08:002006-11-06T08:59:36.806-08:00

Because really, that's the only way I can think to make this year's slate of politicians running for statewide office interesting. Unless, you look at election guides while really, really high. Hey, just as long as you're not high in the ballot box. I don't want to see that anyone has written in Cheech Marin for several random offices.In this election cycle, in addition to all of the lovely

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1160538305589630992006-11-01T08:43:00.000-08:002006-11-01T09:37:48.763-08:00

Since mainstream media never does any stories that actually make politics relevant or, dare I say it, interesting, I thought I'd take a try. Well, I'll try for relevant, at least. I'm not egotastic enough to think that I can actually make this stuff interesting. I'll leave that to Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert.The real reason to vote in California has essentially become the Propositions

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1162099728385691912006-10-30T21:24:00.000-08:002006-10-30T21:17:19.423-08:00

And you know what they say about quitters. That's right. They never win. Ergo, Jeff Zucker is a loser.So if you haven't heard, Jeff Zucker has ordered a slashing of staff at the venerable Peacock network.And if you haven't heard, check out this LA Times story entitled "NBC Quits at 8: A Dark Hour for TV?"It basically describes how the Zuckmeister and NBC-Uni Chair Bob Wright are saying that

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1161315419100605892006-10-19T20:33:00.000-07:002006-10-19T21:37:14.160-07:00

Today I turn again to my increasingly useful inbox-- that's assistantatlas AT yahoo dot com-- for a rather interesting topic. Well, it's one I haven't covered...and after five seasons and many long months, I have covered quite a lot. Today, it's all about location, location, location.I'd like to announce I'm no longer naive enough to think that most studio film projects won't be influenced by

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1160798155046653302006-10-17T21:39:00.000-07:002006-10-19T15:00:26.476-07:00

And she doesn't care about poor people!I was already preparing a post on Tyra Banks' scabby antics when a funny little thing showed up in my inbox. From the Gmail account of the Renegade Writers, came a brief missive drawing attention to this post on Defamer about the latest renegade tactics employed by an independent trouble-making faction trying to draw attention to the plight of reality

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1160801212344636792006-10-16T21:13:00.000-07:002006-10-16T20:34:36.596-07:00

Who would've guessed in 2003 that Paris Hilton's ladybox would contain more deadly biological agents than the country of Iraq?Well, okay. . . besides those pesky UN Weapons Inspectors. Anyone remember Hans Blix? Of course you don't. But you remember the fast food company responsible for this ad, don't you? I digress...Most of us now realize that the Iraq war was a big mistake.But meanwhile,

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1159654785449964862006-10-09T21:05:00.000-07:002006-10-09T21:11:38.386-07:00

Sorry 'bout the lack of posting. Again, I blame Time Warner.Before we start, I'd like to say this: I don't necessarily condone any of these things that I'm going to suggest.But I'm still gonna write them......because I'm confident that one day an assistant will Google them up, these Internet-immortal words, and use them for wonderfully nefarious purposes. Also, before anyone gets angry, let's

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1159840831284265252006-10-03T18:59:00.000-07:002006-10-03T20:26:16.510-07:00

Oh how I hate my infernal ISP, Time Warner Cable.Our connection won't be repaired until NEXT Friday. Unfortunately, it was the Roomie who finally got through...because I would've demanded someone's head on a stick. Or at least a prorated rate for the month. But maybe that's a good thing, considering it would've required a whole new round of corporate bureaucratic wrangling.Seriously, Time

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1159496583446550622006-09-28T20:10:00.000-07:002006-10-03T22:15:36.123-07:00

I gotta keep this short, since I'm not at my usual Assistant/Atlas Global HQ.Or, "my apartment", as some insist on calling it. Thanks again, Time Warner Cable.Anyway, I've been around long enough to recognize the basic firing signs...-Have any of your co-workers been pulled aside by the boss--and afterwards started to tiptoe around you like you have suddenly been diagnosed with inoperable,

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1159419103589635572006-09-27T21:44:00.000-07:002006-09-28T08:44:13.933-07:00

Apparently, my attacks have been hitting a bit too close to The Man, because He's turned off my Internet service. I type this, in fact, from the home of this really quite cool girl. That though, friends, is a story for another day. Because today, it's all about the now-defunct WB's corporate parent paying me back karmically for goading them so.Today, it's all about The Man keeping me

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1159243553726794722006-09-25T20:54:00.000-07:002006-09-25T22:12:51.790-07:00

Welcome to a very special theme week of Assistant/Atlas posts. This week, we'll examine the ins and outs of employee battles here in Hollywood, specifically: the concept of getting fired.It's a subject with which I have some experience.For now, we'll leave aside all questions as to how to go about getting someone fired, and just try to concentrate on the ethical dilemma at hand. And I'm gonna

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1158985266881085932006-09-22T23:12:00.000-07:002006-09-24T20:17:07.550-07:00

If you wanna have fun, come on with meYou can stay all night and play with my TV...TV is the thing this year!Radio's great, but it's outta date.TV is the thing this year!-Ms. Dianne ReevesDid ya hear? TV Is the Thing This Year!Yeah, according to the latest ratings, despite the iPods, the blogs, the videogames, and this whole crazy series of tubes we call the Internets, the time young Americans

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1158892429818586742006-09-21T21:10:00.000-07:002006-09-21T21:18:48.260-07:00

Perhaps you've heard about the problems that seem to be afflicting Sasha Baron Cohen's screenings of his new film, Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan."Yeah, so what about the projector problems?" you may say. Nay, I say. Look not at the projection systems: this is an obvious case of sabotage by the crack Kazakh secret security services, the

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1158449171194274802006-09-18T22:09:00.000-07:002006-09-18T22:21:53.696-07:00

In my continuing, dogged attempt to rise, phoenix-like, from the ashes of my career, I have encountered a new type of promotion that seems to be increasingly commonplace around the entertainment industry. It's the slow motion promotion. And, like many things in this godforsaken industry, it has its positives and its negatives. A positive is that you have a nice, long transition period to bring

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1153801833168521742006-09-12T22:29:00.000-07:002006-09-12T22:47:49.610-07:00

I'm delighted to report that the meeting went quite well, thank you very much. I still have at least one more meeting to pass-- and it's tomorrow for sure-- before I get a definitive step closer to what I want.So after that, there may be a major shift in duties for your faithful Assistant/Atlas. Don't worry though. I won't let it get to my head. I still know where I stand on the Hollywood

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1158039320105222822006-09-11T22:34:00.000-07:002006-09-12T22:44:53.556-07:00

So the meeting was largely a success. Actually, it was pretty much totally and completely a success.And now I lay my weary head down to rest.After listening to some Corrine Bailey Rae, of course.Don't worry, kids, this season's just getting started.TECHNORATI TAG: Corrine Bailey Rae

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1157684639906817512006-09-09T20:47:00.000-07:002006-09-12T22:45:58.703-07:00

For those of you waiting to exhale about the results of my big meeting, it got pushed to tomorrow....so keep holding your breath. But until then, enjoy this little email conversationEvery once in awhile, I get asked questions as an 'authority' on Hollywood. I appreciate these questions, since they bolster a comforting (if false) idea that I do indeed have some sort of authority. And compared

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1157518504556353092006-09-06T12:28:00.000-07:002006-09-13T20:01:03.550-07:00

Look, I've got to work hard to maintain anonymity. But I have a divergent need to share every detail of my work life. After all, that's sorta why I started this blogging adventure.But I have a HUGE meeting coming up Thursday. One that might put me on track to be a more wonderful wunderkind than Jeff Zucker, minus the balding, the megalomania, and the Napoleon complex. Well, at least the

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1155105913346326852006-09-04T23:39:00.000-07:002006-09-04T23:56:56.826-07:00

I know you all like periodic updates from my 'real life' and 'real career'*. So I thought I'd offer one, as close to reality as I can hew, what with my continuing anonymity and all.That's right...I'm becoming a new media baron.Granted, I'm a new media baron whose baronies are overwhelmed by debt and mostly just crappy marshlands....well, at work at least. There's this little popular blog here,

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1156866526043779202006-08-30T20:47:00.000-07:002006-09-01T17:11:35.923-07:00

So it was recently brought to my attention by not one, not two, but three completely different readers in three separate emails that I did nothing to recognize the recent 25th birthday of my avatar. I'm sorry, Chad Mike. Bro, I didn't mean to not recognize, yo. So a big happy 25th to my faithless faithful avatar, Chad Michael Murray. Congratulations on the quarter-century and may you live to

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1156822197511698512006-08-28T20:28:00.000-07:002006-08-31T09:30:28.493-07:00

I know you guys like insider industry gossip. At least, judging by traffic and comments, you do. Which are pretty much the only ways I have to judge.So since I have gossip, I'll do it blind-item style, since that's what all the kids seem to be into these days...Hacky Fauxteur has made a career out of doing things kinda good enough. So perhaps it was a surprise when he actually made a fuss about

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1155412128055445592006-08-23T22:41:00.000-07:002006-08-28T22:50:50.770-07:00

So as you may know, I'm a young globe-trotter. I'm one partially because I wanted to be one, and thus, I can function in at least three languages: English, French and Spanish. Now, mi espanol es terrible. En francais, je suis sur que les persons francophones ne pensent jamais que je suis francais. But I can get by. And the French appreciate that I don't totally massacre their language with

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1155797717415567932006-08-22T00:33:00.000-07:002006-08-22T09:11:01.376-07:00

I was trying to shake off my continuing gloom, and fortunately, my favorite network's bastard child, the CW, has helpfully obliged with its new ad campaign. Have you noticed it? Sure you have. They're the green ads that are popping up on billboards and buses all around large cities like Los Angeles. They look kinda like this:(Popwatch snagged these pics.)Leaving aside the sheer stupidity of

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1155782627171557642006-08-20T19:20:00.000-07:002006-08-20T19:24:18.833-07:00

I think some of my best posts have incorporated musical elements.Jay-Z teaching New MediaDolly Parton preaching Communism Mos Def howling for the lostPlus, some random slammin' Miami beats.But there's one song that has only grown in poignancy, and in mind, since its release earlier this year: "Dear Mr. President". And that song, my friends, is by Pink. Yes, Pink-- backed by the Indigo Girls to

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1155785716697681782006-08-17T21:34:00.000-07:002006-08-17T22:38:03.333-07:00

Please excuse my writing if it's not up to the daunting task of explaining how I feel right now. I'm too exhausted to do that. If you don't know what I'm talking about, read 5.23 "Melba In Memoriam" below to catch up.But when someone dies, especially a friend who is but 25, it throws entire lives, even communities, into turmoil. And I don't know about anyone else's community these days, but

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1155520451008136232006-08-14T07:56:00.000-07:002006-08-15T20:00:23.136-07:00

A friend passed away today. First we heard cocaine and pills. Now it's being said it's heroin. Whatever it was, it was drugs and that's that. She's gone.I'm calling her "Melba", and only maybe a dozen people in the whole world will get that reference, but I get it, and she would've liked it, and that's all that really matters.We grew up together. We hung out in high school a lot. She was

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1155226543553568362006-08-10T19:11:00.000-07:002006-08-15T20:05:23.716-07:00

Received this from an assistant-type associate of mine and thought it was funny, so I thought I'd share. The assistant swears he doesn't know who wrote it, but is sure someone on the crew did. According to my source, this sums up a lot of people's feelings about the moviemaking experience on this particular set. In addition, the writing is way too well-done to be the whim of some outsider--

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1155011813452633612006-08-08T20:22:00.000-07:002006-08-10T08:36:17.613-07:00

Everyone and their mothers, and I know my mother has been reading with interest, has heard about Mel Gibson's sexist/anti-Semitic rant by now.I was indeed shocked by both the pure hatred and the wide-ranging bigotry of Mel's verbal assualt. Having had my doubts about Passion Gibson, if not before, I wasn't too shocked to see that, of all Ho'wood's stars, this stupidity was coming from him. Now,

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1154916377661045042006-08-07T00:06:00.000-07:002006-12-13T21:30:46.900-08:00

Sorry for the unannounced week-long vacation, kids. Here's a long-ish post I took the time to craft to thank you for coming back. As you may know, I've been doing some jetsetting recently. And just the other day, while waiting in a security line at LAX...wait. I know how to tell it better...INT. LAX - TERMINAL SECURITY CHECKPOINT - DAYA modest line loops around a polyester cord, perhaps

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1154320987108070282006-07-31T23:36:00.000-07:002006-08-06T23:12:18.520-07:00

Maybe you've noticed that I've dropped Manhattan media gossip blog Gawker from my blogrolodex. Yes, it was intentional. I only keep blogs there that I want to have easy access to when I need info. And at this time, I choose not use Gawker as a NY source. The latest Gawker overhaul has made it look quite repulsively bare and with encroaching ads, it's just not usually a visually appealing way

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1153883857658380742006-07-26T01:01:00.000-07:002006-07-25T22:08:43.206-07:00

As I drearily regard the economic odds steadily stacking up against me and my 20something compatriots, I'm reminded that I'm still one of the lowest-paid people on the entire corporate ladder. Couple that with a rising desire to decamp to a rival media monster, and you've got a breeding ground for thoughts about money-- specifically, how much I should be ruled by it.For those of you not

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1153801687960723342006-07-25T09:18:00.000-07:002006-07-25T08:53:44.236-07:00

I've been called the patron blogging saint of Hollywoood assistants, a title which I do my best to fulfill. But after a conversation with my little brother, I've decided that interns don't deserve abuse any more than assistants do. Therefore, I've decided to do my Internet tirade best to stick up for them, too.Because darn it if they aren't just the cutest things, with their bright ambitions

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1152684317475789562006-07-24T08:59:00.000-07:002006-07-24T09:04:41.340-07:00

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,I know you have lots o' the money, and really want to help cure diseases in Third World countries and other similarly noble acts. But you've got so much more than enough to do that.So please, rebuild LA's mass transit.The dirty little secret of Los Angeles is that it had excellent mass transit until the car companies and their tire and oil allies tore up the trolley tracks.

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1153456642285447842006-07-20T22:27:00.000-07:002006-08-06T23:23:38.496-07:00

It's especially sad that this article appeared on Yahoo today in light of what happened just this evening to me.And the happening was that the good people of West Hollywood saved my a$$. Basically, I was heading from Hollywood toward Venice and crossing through Weho (Fountain to La Cienega, cut down to Santa Monica or Melrose and get over onto Robertson) when my car totally crapped out. It

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1153254518773845262006-07-19T18:29:00.000-07:002006-07-19T19:38:10.190-07:00

As an assistant, you've got to find your allies where you can-- whether they're famous siblings like Johnny Drama, or an abstract concept that acts to sap your opponents' self-esteem. Namely, time. I look young, even for my young age, but today I (almost and seemingly) unwittingly delivered these bon mots in regards to The Company's New Media activities:"Look. At this point, we're just

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1152776173129479842006-07-16T11:43:00.000-07:002006-07-16T12:00:45.453-07:00

So, if you've been reading this blog (like, at all), you probably know that I'm an anonymous personage. That's part of my schtick, ya know? Come on, it says it right there in the profile. So it always amuses me when I receive things like this in my from the good people at New Line sent me a very personal email (not) but it means that one of you can get to do this if you're going to be at

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1152685095186998242006-07-12T01:11:00.000-07:002006-07-12T00:39:48.980-07:00

QUESTION: How'd You Learn So Much About New Media?Cuz I'm young and I'm black and my hat's pulled low? Do I look like a mind reader, sir? I don't know.That was Jay-Z's answer (admittedly, to a different question). Here's mine. . . .Hint: You're reading it. This blog is how I know so much about New Media. (Well, that and the extensive reading and research)You see, when I started this blog

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1150946300055750262006-07-10T22:14:00.000-07:002006-07-12T00:34:58.810-07:00

So, I've definitively joined the Tivo revolution. It's pretty sweet thus far. Although apparently my Tivo thinks I'm a little gay, although I'm sure Tivo would tell me that I'm just sophisticated. Because it's been recording Bravo whenever it gets the chance.Thus I've been watching the latest season of "Celebrity Poker Showdown", in between continually mildly disappointing episodes of

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1152153328287546572006-07-07T08:13:00.000-07:002006-07-07T01:06:42.100-07:00

One bad day can ruin everything. I know I seem to have been doing pretty well lately, jetsetting around, enjoying a decent job that heretofore had been eroding my sanity only very slowly, and gettin' laid.But it takes just one bad day to make me so phenomenally unhappy/angry/frustrated that I pretty much freak out.And by 'freak out', I mean that I went to the bathroom after a horrendous meeting,

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1151893444582008532006-07-05T19:12:00.000-07:002006-07-05T19:08:24.726-07:00

How's that for a headline, just after the 4th? Nice and American, right?The numbers are coming in all over the place and they're wacky. Everything from Italians in the World Cup, to the solid overall box office, and even apparently-clean Mexican elections.Just in case you were looking for it, the "Brandon Routh Has a Gay Resume" page has become the unofficial site for all things relating to the

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1151858308613237052006-07-03T09:38:00.000-07:002006-07-13T00:38:38.513-07:00

So you know how I do. Here's what I've been doing: Jetsetting. So I guess, here's how I jetset.Yes, it's now a verb. And yes, you don't need to hypenate it. Well, according to me, anyway. Yeah, I jetset. I'm THAT relentlessly cool now.It's like Joss Stone was singing to me: I got jetlag, and I never even left the ground / So hungover, and I never even touched a drop.Anyhoo, that's why the

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1151277265210285882006-06-25T16:12:00.000-07:002006-06-25T22:31:54.256-07:00

I don't like to think of this post's title as ripping off Res, so much as paying tribute to her.Sorry for not posting lately. Thing is, I kind of now have so much work that there's never NOT work and I can't possibly be expected to do it all. And yet, because I'm from the Midwest, I kind of have this work ethic where I feel bad about not being able to do it all, even though even my work ethic

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1150774362217619302006-06-20T08:28:00.000-07:002006-06-20T20:42:13.873-07:00

You know what class they should teach in business school but don't? Employment 101: Managing Your Manager.So, racing into the gap is your faithful Assistant/Atlas with the basic lessons that will help keep your boss happy and you from going insane. And all of us college grads know that most classes spend weeks driving home info that might best presented in quick bullet points. Or in this case,

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1150684884340136012006-06-18T19:18:00.000-07:002006-06-18T19:59:04.476-07:00

Deciding that I needed more ammo in my fight against the Kens of the world, I decided to pay a visit to the most hardcore haircuttery in my 'hood."So man, what can I do for you today?" asks the vaguely skateboard/stonerish/surfer guy."Well, um, see I have this job and..." I trail off, thinking about what I want. I decide: "I need a haircut that makes me look like I eat babies in the boardroom."

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1150336493870460352006-06-14T18:51:00.000-07:002006-06-15T23:24:33.576-07:00

Someone in my office got downsized today. For all of us except (I'm guessing) the Big Bosses, it was a shock. Our lil outfit seems to be getting busier by the day, and it seemed we'd been expanding. But lo and behold, they let "Gloria" go. Gloria is in her early 40s, a failed actress, and apparently not productive enough to be a production assistant slash archivist/tape librarian. And

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1149909371938689382006-06-12T20:07:00.000-07:002006-06-12T21:00:48.316-07:00

As I move higher in the corporate game of chutes and ladders, I've begun to have meetings with execs who have increasing amounts of power. Being the requisite young thing at most of the meetings, it falls to me to provide the viewpoint of the 'younger demographic' which remains incredibly elusive for my corporate masters. Increasingly, this viewpoint has increasingly become me figuring out

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1145512558807169122006-06-07T20:55:00.000-07:002006-06-07T20:31:22.743-07:00

Since I wrote a little post about the infamous UTA joblist, I've gotten some interesting critiques of the industry's most exclusive compilation of employment.Seriously. A lot of them.Generally, they fall into two camps: one believes the list sucks and isn't worth the effort to obtain it, while the other swears by its mystical powers. Ultimately, here's the lesson I've derived from this debate:

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1137454026395851762006-06-07T00:07:00.000-07:002006-06-06T22:53:09.593-07:00

In honor of California's primary today/yesterday, I'd like to present a list. A list of Hollywood's finest folks who I think might make great political leaders someday. Look, if the Terminator can be Guvernator, then I don't see why some of these fine folks shouldn't take a shot at it.Dennis Haysbert- We know the man can at least act presidential. Which is more than I can say for some

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1149472051663256462006-06-06T07:56:00.000-07:002006-06-06T08:53:55.806-07:00

Somewhat inexplicably, people turn to me for advice. So I thought I'd share of my thoughts and advice on business school. If you don't want to read the whole post, here's the point: it sucks and it's stupid.Recently, I spoke with my little brother, who has recently finished his third year as a double-majoring business school student at a respected Midwestern university. I was wondering if

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1149451179206984122006-06-04T16:52:00.000-07:002006-06-05T01:15:05.473-07:00

Now, I haven't really talked about it much, but, like much of my Hollywood brethren, I have succumbed to the ecstatic hype surrounding the as-yet-unreleased Snakes on a Plane. I like to call the phenomenon "Snakes on a Plania!"I don't know if anyone else has seen this yet news story yet, but I could hardly believe my eyes. Yes, this is an actual news story.No, I don't know why the headline

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1147230238555788182006-05-31T20:33:00.000-07:002006-05-31T20:35:46.086-07:00

Let me begin by saying that I would never intentionally get into a dance-off.However, let it also be known that one time I was talked by a group of friends into a dance competition. Which we won.So please, for the less danceworthy out there, let this post be a warning to you. Because let me tell you from experience, that a dance-off is a little scary.And yeah, a dance-off is weird. However,

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1148959701892219542006-05-29T20:08:00.000-07:002006-05-29T21:39:16.713-07:00

Normally, I don't pimp my advertisers much. But the new one there on your right is pretty much laser-targeted to my demographic and you've got to give HBO props for that. It is what it looks like, essentially. On HBO.com, you can "interview" with Ari to be his new assistant. So click and do a quick interview. You can put in a fake email address if you're worried about spam-- but I haven't

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1146640745413991542006-05-21T00:17:00.000-07:002006-05-22T08:38:55.980-07:00

Yeah, lately, I can't sleep. And I really, really want/need to. So badly that I disregard the conventions of grammar and polite English etiquette. Figuring I couldn't sleep, I went back and watched the latest episodes of "Big Love".Amanda Seyfried, I totally remember your name now. You managed to act more with fewer lines than I have seen an actress do in a long time.Dead, plastic or Mormon,

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1147746339293481202006-05-18T23:24:00.000-07:002006-05-18T23:09:03.946-07:00

WARNING: This post may be quite random, thanks to my very incoherent (fatigue-induced) state. But y'all seem to like those posts better than most of my serious ones anyway.This fourth blog season of Assistant/Atlas is drawing to a close after fifty fresh episodes. Even though I've had my differences with the soon-defunct WB and its now-axed head, Garth Ancier, I will give them minor props for

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1138941741550570092006-05-17T20:40:00.000-07:002006-05-18T09:10:53.623-07:00

The season four finale of Assistant/Atlas is forthcoming, but first, this message from your writer/producer, Assistant/Atlas...Hello folks, I'm Assistant/Atlas, and I'm a B-List blogebrity who likes to give unsolicited career advice to people in my business. Usually I do it based on what other assistant types tell me to think, as well as my own horribly disturbed judgment.And here is what I have

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1147316539448734992006-05-11T08:29:00.000-07:002006-05-11T08:43:41.360-07:00

Please listen: this is one of those seemingly tiny, but crucially important, issues that none of us ever care enough about. But it's going to bite us in the behind if we're not careful. It's called "Net Neutrality" and the idea is that the corporations that run computer networks should not be allowed to charge more for 'priority access.' Whether you want to download LOST from iTunes or watch a

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1147227371768984832006-05-09T23:19:00.000-07:002006-05-10T00:11:23.193-07:00

In keeping with the tradition of end-of-season celebrity guest star casting to juice the ratings, I'm busting out my Sloane story from this weekend. I'd been trying to figure out what to write about it because frankly, if I reprinted the actual words, you probably could figure out who I am. And we ain't havin' that, kids, are we? Now that my career's doing so (relatively) well...So here's the

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1147102931751131722006-05-08T08:40:00.000-07:002006-05-08T08:42:11.893-07:00

Not quite done with today's post, but it's gonna be a good one. At least I think so. Which probably means none of you will like it. Sigh. After work, kids, after work I'll post.You know, assuming work ends today.

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1144982867544817182006-05-04T19:41:00.000-07:002006-05-05T08:45:22.233-07:00

I received what I think is some pretty good advice today on how to act in Ho'wood. And that is: if you can't think of anything to say, say something nice. This nuggest of wisdom is brought to you by a guy who apparently works for the big boss, but no one has any idea what he does.No seriously, it's weird. And he's weird. It's a totally weird situation, but we think he's some kind of business

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1146641571439171732006-05-03T00:21:00.000-07:002006-05-04T01:07:40.466-07:00

Dear Time Magazine,I used to love you. Back in the day, when I was innocent and in middle school, getting all up on you after class was what I lived to do. Scoping you up and down before I plowed into your luscious middle-- that was all I wanted. Seriously. But now you're a filthy corporateslut. Know how I know? Because you've shrunk down your content to a handful of inane fluff pieces that

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1146031386410316742006-05-02T23:02:00.000-07:002006-05-02T22:01:30.266-07:00

Today's post deals with something that not only assistants, but nearly everyone is today's modern world, faces. It's called: lack of sleep, and it friggin' sucks. So I looked up some answers to common sleep-related questions. Don't worry, I used credible sources. Obviously, not Wikipedia. Anyway, look and learn, people.How much sleep do you need per night?You should get at least 7-8 hours if

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1146497205013526592006-05-01T08:02:00.001-07:002006-05-01T08:51:54.076-07:00

Since I know you kids enjoy gossip, I thought I'd play a little game with some that I collected this weekend. The game's very easy and you can play along at home! There's even a theme: faded action stars. The object is simple: attempt to guess which famous action stars have committed the following lapses in judgment. If you can't guess from the clues, there's a hint at the bottom. And I'll

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1146239557667549342006-04-28T08:41:00.000-07:002006-04-28T08:56:34.113-07:00

It was fun giving Unsolicited Career Advice, so I think I'll do it again for today.Variety reports that America's Hottest Couple is interested in bringing Ayn Rand's novel Atlas Shrugged to the big screen.It looks like someone in the Brangelina camp is wearing bad idea jeans. While I appreciate anything that might bring more notoriety to my online persona, I just can't support turning Rand's

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1146033015372363552006-04-25T23:18:00.000-07:002006-04-25T23:42:37.536-07:00

Since I've discovered that everyone finds my ruminations on New Media boring (at least judging by the lack of comments) that I think what the situation calls for is a little of the ole showbiz razzamadazzle, that It factor, that good PR glow.So obviously this calls for slogans. And since they're open source slogans, it's only fair that everyone feel free to use them as they like. Enjoy.Open

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1144127342360934732006-04-24T22:05:00.000-07:002006-04-25T08:50:47.043-07:00

I've hinted at it before, but now I'm going to start sharing some ideas about a new sort of effort in collaborative filmmaking: the open source film.First off, though, let me say this. While I may be proposing a new iteration of the open source idea-- this isn't all THAT new. Just google 'open source film' for an idea of what's out there. Plus, we all know/love YouTube.What hasn't been done is

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1145635695682837402006-04-21T08:46:00.000-07:002006-04-21T09:11:07.930-07:00

Friday's always a nice day for a bit of celebrity gossip, isn't it? A friend of mine, whom I've dubbed the Gay Valet, recently worked a party attended by a handful of celebs. Here's what he had to report....Let's start with gay icon Debra Messing. First of all, she's still driving the Porsche Boxster that she got from the first season of Will & Grace. (yeah, they gave 'em all Boxsters when

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1145548158557149282006-04-20T08:45:00.000-07:002006-04-20T09:35:22.316-07:00

On this darkest of days (Hitler's b-day, Columbine, etc.) let us celebrate the eternal good that's been brought to you by a very special little creation of God's-- marijuana. Oh, sweet marijuana, how you've helped me get through some difficult days. It's only right that you get one day dedicated to the smoking of you!Now, for everyone's festivities today, may I suggest the following movies

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1145376231487452312006-04-19T08:47:00.000-07:002006-04-20T08:49:55.660-07:00

As my longtime readers know, corporate idiocy is a favorite subject of mine. I daresay it's a big part of my raison d'etre.Corporate idiocy hurt the WB. It hurts GE. It's hurting the Travel Channel. It may hurt Nickelodeon.As you can see just from the four named above, corporate idiocy comes in many forms. Sometimes, it's subtle, like dress codes and inflexible work hours. Sometimes, it's

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1145229699225052042006-04-17T16:20:00.000-07:002006-04-18T09:04:54.163-07:00

A little while back,I mentioned the UTA joblist and many of you were kind enough to send me a copy. The latest ones I duly sent on to the very grateful fledgling assistants. (one even said I was God, as if my ego needs to get bigger...point is, they were grateful, so thanks)So I was doing some research (read: about 5 minutes of lazy Googling) into the history of the UTA list and reading many of

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1144883276909546972006-04-12T19:54:00.000-07:002006-04-12T19:35:53.343-07:00

This is Chloe Sevigny. You may know her for such previous affronts to cinema as "The Brown Bunny" and "Shattered Gay" (not a typo-feeling mean today).Recently, she's managed not to totally ruin the new HBO series "Big Love". In fact, she's not terrible because she plays a quiet raging stupidface character. . . so it's believable. Also, any series that can effectively use Tina Majorino, Amanda

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1144732982106555462006-04-11T21:40:00.000-07:002006-04-13T20:20:17.980-07:00

Look, I've been thinking. Chad, buddy, I may have been a little harsh. It was probably the combination of cold medicine and alcohol. I know you know how that goes, Chad. Anyway, it's completely unrealistic to think you're going to be able to keep it in your pants for twenty years, playing hide the salami with only one chick for the rest of your days. So what to do? Dump the pregnant teen and

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1141271191876720352006-04-10T07:44:00.000-07:002006-04-10T08:54:12.606-07:00

Once upon a time, there was a young blogger who needed an avatar, and since there were surprisingly few famous people his age who seemed to look like him, went with a small-time movie and big-time WB star. Figuring they both toiled in relatively thankless parts of their respective worlds (assistant-dom and the WB), the young blogger thought it a decent fit. And when his readers seemed to

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1144460763845922672006-04-07T18:41:00.000-07:002006-04-07T18:58:36.950-07:00

I just wanted to clarify something for you, dear readers.It's my blog's birthday, not my actual birthday.Also, I am so friggin' phlegm-y and sick, that I can barely stand up. But did I work 60 hours this week? You bet I did. Why?Because I'm a chipper, cheery, totally-fulfilled Hollywood happyperson!And because I am a twenty-something slave.Also, I will try to shake some sense into Chad Michael

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11925675.post-1144200908118112182006-04-04T18:24:00.000-07:002006-04-04T18:36:57.666-07:00

What a long, strange trip it's been. Just one year ago, a fed-up assistant unleashed his pilot post on an unsuspecting world. Now, a year later, that plaintive howl continues to reverberate.Here, have some cake:Coming soon: I try to slap some sense into Chad Michael Murray.

Assistant Atlashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06449371306711441926noreply@blogger.com6