Clawing to escape the belly of the beast here in Hollywood. To commiserate, email my name assistantatlas at yahoo.

Monday, April 04, 2005

Assistant/Atlas: Pilot Blog 1.01

"I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until they're dead."
Samuel Goldwyn

As William Morris Agency [WMA] Prez David Wirtschafter [he of the New Yorker article that cost WMA Sarah Michelle Gellar and Halle Berry] would tell you, the above quote of Goldwyn's goes double if you're dealing with the prickly egos of movie stars. Goldwyn quotes are the gold standard for rational thought about an irrational industry-- the business of moving pictures. It's one myself and thousands upon thousands of others have chosen for our livelihood. And like many others in "the Biz", "the Industry", or any other euphemism for the crapshoot of Tinseltown, I find myself constantly questioning my career choice and sanity.

For I am an assistant, one of the thousands of young people who actually do the work of Hollywood-- the calls, the schedules, the whisper prices and the whisper offers, the hype, the buzz, the ass-kissing and the ass-wiping. Sure, it's our bosses who have the fancy titles-- with words like 'executive' and 'president' in them-- and several added zeroes in their paychecks and surgically-enhanced trophy wives and Mulholland mansions with infinity pools, and . . . where was I going with that? Oh yes...

Despite others' material success, we shoulder forward, content in the knowledge that we have a modicum of movie power. Yes, power. My boss can't remember the names of half of the people he represents, let alone their various projects. So who must ensure that we keep pumping out the same enlightening, thought-provoking, critically-acclaimed, 'high art' movies for which Hollywood is known the world over? The assistants.

So that's me, your faithful ASSISTANT ATLAS, with the weight of the entertainment world on my shoulders. Expect insider bitching from this blog, but not the forsaking of Goldwyn's advice. Yeah, I'm just a Hollywood assistant, but how stupid do you think I am? We can have more fun if we don't name names, can't we?


Anonymous Random reader said...

Nice blog, Atlas. Did you see that movie "Swimming With Sharks"? It was Kevin Spacey as the world's most horrible boss -- yes, a studio exec of some kind -- and some guy I can't remember as his sort of Atlas (only, obviously, a guy). Is it really anything like that? Seems to me you should be writing a satire on the movie biz, only from the down-below POV (cf The Player).

4:10 PM


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