CAA Gets Down and Gets Loose: 3.40
This report comes from a fresh, new correspondent, a big agency assistant [not CAA] with a lot of wide-eyed charm. He reports on a recent party at which the CAA assistants apparently rocked the house. So without further ado, the report from the man with the pseudonym Mr. Mount Dynamite:
(don't ask me why that's his pseudonym, I have no idea)
Another assistant got us some passes so we were like, f*ck it, let's go. My goal was to get a measly two phone numbers, strictly for business purposes.
We walk into the club, everybody was tight and stiff, dressed in appropriate drone-attire (except for us in jeans and sneaks). One look and I wanted to get out of there. 45 mins and 3 drinks later (open bar by the way) and we were flying. The place was suddenly packed with hot, single, agent's assistants, many of them women. Them and Jon Voight!!!
The club itself [Element on Las Palmas in Hollywood] was nothing special. A huge main hall, small and sleek leather couches on the side, a small CAA ice sculpture (that was pretty cool) a bar to one side, the couches and a second mini level on the other side. Towards the back was another, smaller bar, and the far back, was a back patio with yet another bar. There were a lot of official club people, running around with clipboards and headsets, who seemed to be running the place in addition to the CAA marketing people checking up on things
The assistants definitely did their job on this one. They were dressed to kill, open and friendly, getting their numbers was easy, and with enough prodding, getting their work gossip was easy too. All you had to do was stick your hand out and wave, and you could catch something nice. As the night wore on, the drinks flowed ever more liberally, the assistants were practically pouring booze down my throat and dragging us on the dance floor. I had to beg for a break they were so accomodating. It was almost like they were there on display by their bosses or they were acting on some sort of directive: "look at how hot and nice we are". Needless to say, I got a lot more numbers then I thought I would.
As for work gossip...let's just say most of the agent assistants, when describing their jobs, said they were wiping their bosses asses...without the tissue. And many of them had done some extraordinary things before becomg agents' assistants. Some had shorts in Cannes, others needed work visas and were the first in their agency to convince their superiors to get them, some had run their own film companies back home. I came away with the feeling that the assistants were way more talented than what their job was allowing them to do, but they were going through with it in the slim hope that one day they could make the big decisions and follow their passions.
I wish I could be more specific, but that's the gist of it. Did I mention the open bar already?
Not realizing how drunk I was until I finally got to my car, I spent 30 mins alone, inside, in a deserted parking lot, just trying to calm down and get a handle on the fact that I was going to have to drive myself home. The world was indeed spinning off its axis that night.
So to summarize: free booze flowing amply, young nubile women in the industry, and CAA. [ed. note: and naughty, highly-illegal and bad buzzed driving] Don't see how it gets any better than that! Now I know why CAA is #1! I am going to go to that party till I am 60 years old.
So what have learned today? Booze=Good. Booze + Driving=Bad. And finally, we've learned that CAA assistants, like most industry assistants, are hilariously overqualified for their jobs.