Clawing to escape the belly of the beast here in Hollywood. To commiserate, email my name assistantatlas at yahoo.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Joss Stone Sexes Up the Office: Episode 1.34

Your faithful Assistant/Atlas was given an iPod [mini] for his recent birthday. After getting this present and loading my geeky's roommate's songs onto it [thanks to his G5, it took about 10-15 minutes to get about 400 songs] I began carrying my lil Mini around everywhere.

Here are some weird things I noticed about having an iPod. I keep expecting the music to shut off when I get out of the car-- but it doesn't now. The music doesn't ever stop. It's being piped directly into my ears.

Because of that [and especially when it's on shuffle], I keep having oddly emotional moments when I'm doing things. I was walking in toward my apartment's elevator after work when I entered a state of elation thanks to a random Bjork track. ["It's Oh So Quiet"/"Big Time Sensuality" remixed] I did my laundry with a brazen, smoky sensuality thanks to Joss Stone. I read a script late at night in an ethereal haze [Massive Attack...and some herb]. I drove to the 10 like was in Gran Tourismo with Cirrus' remix of Fatboy Slim's Break In. Having an iPod is sweet.

But there's also been an unexpected side effect. Sloane found out I was listening to my iPod while doing various busy work tasks with Bubbles [mostly so I didn't have to talk to her]. I happened to be listening to Joss Stone when he asked me about it and demanded a listen. I expected him to insult my musical tastes or something, but instead he had me pipe it through my now-operational computer so that we could all listen in the back part of the office [provided Sloane isn't on the phone-- he'll scream at me to turn it off when he is]. So now we're all walking around all Joss Stone-d, even Maggie who can catch strains of it from her perch in the front office.

This has created a bizarro sexual vibe in the office and I've learned that Bubbles has nearly-unparalleled hip motion action. But I'm not attracted to her-- she's annoying. Gotta keep telling myself that. She wears Uggs and likes Britney Spears music. She's evil. She's not hot at all. Oh God, I'm going to be sued for sexual harassment.

So what's spinning in Assistant/Atlas' ears? These artists are currently getting heavy rotation:

Ani DiFranco [brings out my inner angry lesbian, great for angry writing on my blog]

The Bravery [great for head-banging/grooving while putting together scripts]

Damien Rice [when I need to feel tempest-tossed and depressed, yet hopeful]

The Faint [their Coachella appearance has apparently given them newfound cool cache, because now everyone knows who they are-- good for rockin' out]

Joss Stone [I want to have sex with her and her voice- provided the latter gets dirty]

New York Dolls [glamorous, giddy and thoroughly irrepressible- rock away the day]

Squarepusher [great for pretending to be a superspy or hacker]

The Gorillaz [roommmate pirated their new album before it comes out, so I've been enjoying it for weeks. But don't worry, I'm sure I'll still buy their album with all the extra cash I have lying around]

Sloane went on a tirade about piracy the other day, but I'll save that for a later post. Right now, I've got to get back to my pirated music collection on my iPod.


Blogger Grace said...

Your pirated ipod and my pirated ipod need to mate so, and I hate to say this, you can start listening to some good music. I have a G5 with a ca-gillion (yes, I want to patent ca-gillion) songs anywhere from Led Zeppelin to Simon and Garfunkel to Tim Mcgraw and Travis Tritt.

Don't laugh at Travis Tritt. He's hot with his mullet and I live in Minnesota. I believe it's enough said.

9:48 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're an evil, evil pirate... but could you burn me a copy of the Gorillaz's album? Thanks.

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Blogger dem van said...

Gorillaz's album is amazing, I love them, always trying good music, thank you so much for this post...

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