Clawing to escape the belly of the beast here in Hollywood. To commiserate, email my name assistantatlas at yahoo.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Stop the World, We've Got a Good Script: 1.30

Every once in awhile, Sloane will go into what I like to call his "Defcom One" mode. Defcom One is Sloane's state of manic panic when buzzes himself into a tizzy with doing 'real work'. This usually happens when we find a great project of some kind.

For example, this week, we found a great script. [I read it first, went out on a limb with a "recommend" and guess what, Sloane said it proved I was a genius. Sadly, I felt really validated and I hate that, because it means I obviously want some sort of validation from a man who is so obviously insane in the membrane] Sloane's excitement sent him to Defcom One.

SLOANE: "Atlas, quick, call every male lead with a production company we know on Project X. Whoever reads this will know it will be a hit, so it should be an actor slash producer."

ATLAS: "Got it. What age male lead?"

SLOANE: "Thirties or forties. No, wait, Atlas, we should just sell it. We could easily get a couple mil for this, right? let's make a list and go down it one by one. We've got to be methodical. So, we shouldn't call the male leads with production companies because we can get more from a studio with deeper pockets. So call all of the studios, tell 'em we've got a can't-miss project, get 'em all lined up, then send out the scripts all at once. We'll have a bidding war." [rubs hands gleefully]

ATLAS: "Got it. Any studio preference?"

SLOANE: "Not Paramount. Wait, Atlas, maybe we should do both at the same time--"

ATLAS: "I'm already bending the laws of physics calling all of these people at once in either option." [not said aloud]
ATLAS: "We should-- you should decide before I start with the phone calling." [what i actually said]

SLOANE: "Oh you know if I offer it to H---- W------ first, I can squeeze him for cash and pay him back for that favor. You know, the one with the--

ATLAS: [frantic, not wanting to mentally rehash that sequence of events which I might relay at a later date but oh dear God was it bad] "Yes I remember."

SLOANE: "Well, we should look at our options first before doing anything. We've got to be methodical."

ATLAS: "Hey maybe we could make a friggin' pie chart." [not actually said aloud]
ATLAS: "So our options are partner with someone, sell it or use it to repay a favor?"

SLOANE: [such rapid simplification momentarily baffles him, then] "Yeees. What do you think?"

ATLAS: "That this is a dangerous question I don't want to answer." [not said]
ATLAS: "Ummm. . . maybe we should examine our business needs?"

SLOANE: "Yes, good, that's methodical. What exactly are our business needs at the moment?"

ATLAS: "Shouldn't you know this-- it's YOUR business, as you're so fond of reminding me." [not said]
ATLAS: "Well I guess it boils down to cash flow-- if we need an immediate cash infusion, we should just sell it. If we've got extra cash, we should partner and make more long-term money. If we're in between, I guess we could pay Mr. W----- back." [by the way, I just made all this up, I really had no idea, but this sounds logical in my head so I said it-- I know next to nothing about finance, but boy can I BS]

SLOANE: "Yes, yes, that's perfect, Atlas. So what does our cash flow situation look like?"

ATLAS: "WTF-- how am I supposed to know?" [not said]
ATLAS: "You have all the financial records."

SLOANE: "Right, okay, yes. All right, I'll review our finances and you start calling people. Okay, Atlas, great. That's the plan." [he heads for his office]

ATLAS: "Uh, wait, Mr. Sloane. I can't call anyone without, um, knowing who to call."

SLOANE: "You're right. Okay, get ready to call everyone, but just wait until I have the finances in order. In the meantime, read some scripts or something."

ATLAS: "Sweet, I can just blog at my desk." [not said aloud]
ATLAS: "Okay, sure thing."


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