Clawing to escape the belly of the beast here in Hollywood. To commiserate, email my name assistantatlas at yahoo.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

The Next Gen Star Chart: Episode 1.11

"In case you're worried about what's going to become of the younger generation, it's going to grow up and start worrying about the younger generation."
-Roger Allen

My actor friends often ask me [as their 'executive-track' friend] who I think will be getting a lot of work in the future. They want to know for myriad reasons, but being actors, they are almost entirely self-centered ones.

So here you's who Assistant/Atlas thinks will still be getting major work in 20 years.

Natalie Portman- While her Best Supporting Actress nomination for 'Closer' was nice, she really should've gotten it way back when for 'The Professional'. While she couldn't act her way out of the crappy Star Wars dialogue, who could have? She'll be around in twenty years.

Chad Michael Murray- The top contender for the 'Next Brad Pitt' title-- and just about twenty years younger than Brad.

Mandy Moore- Surprisingly good role selection should guarantee her a nice, long career. And she hasn't even started the lucrative romantic comedy phase of her career yet.

Ryan Seacrest- Plastic surgery will guarantee that twenty years in the future, he-- and American Idol-- will look exactly the same.

Evan Rachel Wood- One of the few young actresses who appears to be able to act. Her going for increasingly dark, indie roles could lengthen a career already filled with promise thanks to her forever-young features.

Beyonce Knowles- Unless she pulls a Whitney, she may just pull a Madonna and ascend into the hallowed pantheon of the ultradivas-- but since she's nice and likable, she'll make even more money.

Seth Gabel- If you saw the second season of Nip/Tuck, you know that as Adrian, he did a soul-crushingly good job. Reminds me of a young Leo DiCaprio- which is not an insult [remember Basketball Diaries and What's Eating Gilbert Grape?]

Meagan Good- You may not be too familiar with her now [but if you've seen my favorite worst movie of all time, You Got Served, you know she lit up the screen as Beautifull, with two Ls] but I'm betting after a few more movies, you will be. Buzz is for cheesy good fun with her upcoming Roll Bounce.

Jason Schwartzman- He's got mega-connections and talent. Look for him to be the next Ben Stiller Slash Luke Wilson. And he's in a band that doesn't suck.

Caroline Dhavernas- If there's any justice in the world, this Wonderfalls star will have a long career [by the way, yes, Fox, I still hate you for canceling that show].

Diego Luna- Just formed a Mexico City-based prod. co. with Gael Garcia Bernal, ensuring he can make his own work if he didn't have enough already.

Jamie Lynn Spears- Britney's kid sis already has her own hit show, way less baggage, and once Brit gets mega-pregnant-- she'll be the pretty one in the family. All this, and she just turned 14.

People Who You Might Think Would Have a Long Career, But Won't:

Mischa Barton: Sure she's hot, but people are going to figure out that she can't act if she keeps acting. While that works fine on the OC, it won't fly elsewhere.

Shia LaBoeuf: I had high hopes for this kid, but he has disappointed me. Shape up or become a Trivial Pursuit answer.

Kristin Kreuk: Quite possibly the worst chooser of roles ever. Did you see 'Earthsea'? She has one facial expression for the entire miniseries. Also turned down an asskicking heroine role in a horror/thriller that died on the vine without her [you try finding another half-Asian, half-white starlet who could play a teenager].

Chris Klein: Why he still has a career after the performances he's given is a mystery to me.

Tara Reid: That's right bitch, you turn 30 soon and I'm betting your breasts and face will sag right along with your career.


Blogger This is now blank said...

You hate Ryan Seacrest, too?
Damn, we should form a club or something.
Also, love the poop on Seacrest's star. Damn funny.

I love your posts about how shallow Hollywood is. Worked in that town for four years and was glad to get out of the BS and dealing with pathetic flakes.

Keep up the good posts.

1:19 AM

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1:54 PM


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