Clawing to escape the belly of the beast here in Hollywood. To commiserate, email my name assistantatlas at yahoo.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Desperate Housewives Vs. My Budding Alcoholism

[I keep trying to stay away from the blog until my season premiere but I need to get this off my chest]

Marc Cherry, you little b*tch. All I want to do after a long day of not getting a job is drink my sorrows away. And now you go and film at the Red Garter. That's MY BAR. Okay fine, smartass, I don't own it. But it's pretty much the only one w/in walking distance of my apartment and it's by far the cheapest. So when the roomie and I head down for a cool pint and some pool to relieve the stress of a long day, what do I find?

F*cking Doug Savant.

And practically all the rest of the male members of the cast of doing some BS filming. Normally, I might be like, 'oooh, wow, Doug Savant, neat-o'-- actually, no I wouldn't ever be like that for Doug Savant--but normally I'd be cool with it. I've gotten used to the extra traffic and the parking headaches that film crews bring-- and I'm okay with it, really.

But when you get between me and my drinking-- that's when we have a problem.

Why on earth would you film at the Red Garter, anyway? It's not an actual strip club or even a hip, trendy divebar. It's pretty much just a hole-in-the-wall former strip club with two pool tables and some old-school arcade games. Why, you bastards, why?

Oh-- and to the striped-shirt crowd and you freeway-and-canyon kids-- this bar IS NOT worth checking out. There aren't hot chicks there and the trendy are far outnumbered by the heavily-tattooed, so it's not for the easily-intimidated either. There are never even D-List celebs and I'm usually the most attractive person there when I go-- and that is not me being hugely egotistical [slightly, maybe, but not hugely]. So don't come to the Red Garter. Everyone should stay away, except for my fellow locals.

And , if you ever get between me and my beer again-- I'm going nuclear on your a$$, capisce?

You think Eva's a b*tch? Get between Atlas and his beer and you'll find out what a b*tch really is. . . b*tch.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

i posted this in the wrong epidsode.

i was part of a chuck norris tv movie years ago. not with the company but was the representative of the site they were filming so i hung out on set all day and was surprised that each person there had one job and only one job. one dude's job was to move the chairs the stars and director sat in. seriously- that's it. the rest of the time he read magazines. other people had similiar useless jobs.
i dont know about the other readers, but i am curious about hollywood. specifically salaries and job descriptions of crew members and whatnot. i know its none of my business, but out of curiosity, what does, say, a cameraman make? what percentage do agents get? what do assistant directors do? just curious.

9:02 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't be a lout. I hope all those people make mucho dinero. How much *should* someone who worked on a film that grossed SEVERAL HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS make?

8:06 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

except most films don't make several hundred million dollars...

12:21 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I almost ejected coke through my nose when I saw Hinano's in SWAT. Desperates Housewives in the Red Garter... can't all trendy filming be reserved to the re-decorated Brig? shout out to Linda and Kali from Sydney.

12:15 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

the white, powdery kind? or the dark liquid carbonated kind?

11:53 PM


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