Note to Jennifer Garner, STOP IT!

Sorry, I meant to post this yesterday, but it was all Famke's fault. Apparently blogging is distracting me from my boyfriend duties. Ahem. . .

First, in assistant news. . . Defamer reports Paradigm gave their assistants a barbeque, and they continue to spread the rumor, still TOTALLY UNCONFIRMED anywhere else, that ICM is on the block. The chopping block, that is. Or the sales block, or whatever.

Editor Mark Lisanti of Defamer, the Ho'wood branch of Gawker Media, needs to realize that he is freaking people out with these ICM buyout rumors. You had better know something we don't. Or you had better know which random email rumor-mongers to accept as gospel. Because seriously, Mark, as much as you like to play around with your site, you have the power to affect people's lives. Like mine. Okay, enough. Now, on with the fun, pointless crap:

Dear Jennifer Garner,

Really, we get it. We know you're a grounded, normal person, not your typical 'celebrity'. You can have the 'America's Sweetheart' crown if you want it. But you have to do one thing for me, Ms. Garner.

Stop grocery shopping. And while you're at it, stop getting photographed doing anything that's a remotely reasonably task that a normal human being [read: non-celebrity] does. This includes, but is not limited to: cleaning anything, driving, walking your dog, and going shopping. Especially while pregnant! Jesus. . .

The thing is, Jen [can I call you, Jen?], you'll convince other celebrities that they can do the same thing. And if celebrities start doing things for themselves, we're going to have EVEN MORE out-of-work assistants. And right now, that is something the LA labor market simply cannot bear. So, please, Jen, have some celebrity self-respect and make your assistants do everything. Please?


Signing autographs is acceptable celebrity behavior--and working on Alias. Let your people do the rest, 'kay?

While we're on the topic. . .
Alias or Lost spoilers anyone? I love spoilers, especially for JJ Abrams shows. Especially if they're totally not true. Comment away. While we're on the subject:

I love you, JJ Abrams. Won't you take me away from all this pain and suffering and make me your assistant? I promise to sprinkle rose petals at your feet, worship any ground you've walked upon and make your coffee just the way you like it.


Please JJ, I'll be your b*tch-- and I'll like it.

TECHNORATI TAGS:Alias/Lost/JJ Abrams