Note to Cameron Diaz: Your Agents Hate You: 3.21

When you're a hot star, your agents are fielding offers for you on a fairly regular basis. They set the whisper prices and give the offer advice to the companies with the cash to bid for big stars. But if your agency's assistants don't like you, it's pretty easy for them to get your offers diverted to another, perhaps better and/or more appropriate, star within the agency.
Don't they, Cam?
I'm calling it the 'bait-and-switch', but if anyone knows if there is an actual term for this procedure, by all means, let me know. That's what comments are for people, to speak your mind. And hello, you can be anonymous. Just sayin'. Anyway. . .

This 'bait-and-switch' happens when agencies discover solid, lucrative, high-profile projects that they want to be involved in. Usually this happens when you make an offer for someone [or start dancing in on it with the assistants]. The assistants will often find out who else might be available if your offer isn't exactly right for the person you're offering it to or they think the actor or actress might not do it-- because they want to make sure one of their clients will get the gig. So, if they want to, your agents could divert most of a certain star's offers, as they've apparently been doing a lot lately to Cameron Diaz. The agency in question here is those sharkiest of sharks, CAA, aka- the Creative Artists Agency.

First, they diverted a hot indie offer from you, Cam, to Angelina. It was a nice, short four weeks of work on location in Vancouver for which you would've been paid, well, a lot. More than one million/week, let's just say that. And for an indie! It was a good gig and your agents sent it to Angelina.
My agents like me.

Next, I heard that they were peddling Christina Applegate as the 'cheap' version of you and Jessica Biel as the 'young' version of you.
I'm cheaper than Cam.
I'm young AND cheap.

Though I wouldn't be too worried about incipient threats to your stardom from Christina Applegate or Jessica Biel, considering their rather marginal talents [read: boobs]. But they're not the only hot blonde stars at CAA. Cameron's also got Uma Thurman to compete with. And really, aren't Uma and Cameron like the SAME actress, except that Uma has versatility and talent? Seriously.

Even hawking watches, you're hot.

So what can poor Cameron do? Probably agency-jumping is her best bet, as that attracts the attention of the agency and gets them to scouring for offers for you. But frankly, she's got to contend with her always-rising age [already 33, and not aging well] and her reputation for being a Grade-A bitchface on set and off. Trust me when I say that while the dumbbell part of her nature may be true, the sweet girl-next-door-nature is mostly thanks to her publicists.

Which just goes to show you, that even if you're a big star, it still pays [literally] to treat the assistants like actual human beings.