Clawing to escape the belly of the beast here in Hollywood. To commiserate, email my name assistantatlas at yahoo.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Oscar Memories: 4.27

So for the Oscars this year, the roomie and I held our traditional party. This year, we celebrated with a theme shot. The theme shot is chosen to encourage increased drinking and general merriment. This year, the theme we chose as our theme (chosen to coincide with the Oscars) was "Gay or Famous". So, we decided that every time someone won portraying someone who was gay or famous would merit a shot. Which made the alcoholics slight upset when George Clooney got the Best Supporting Actor statuette. Plus, when Brokeback Mountain, Capote, Walk the Line, or Good Night and Good Luck didn't win more than a handful of categories.

Still, we all ended up agreeing that, man and woman alike, if we had to be stuck for eternity on a desert island with no man to screw but one, we'd all pick George Clooney. As for a woman, Angelina Jolie is still tops.

The party was good, about a dozen of LA's finest 20somethings assembled in our apartment. And we drank. Heavily. And it was good.

Other Oscar Thoughts:
Who decides who gets to go to the Oscars? Like, what was Jessica Alba doing there presenting? She hasn't won nuthin'. It's because she has the ability to stop time, I tell you. She's a witch! Burn her!

Everyone looked thin this year. Every dress made everyone at my party go "Jesus, look how skinny ____ ________ is!" And while some trains were appropriate, a few of Hollywood's lovely ladies went overboard.

Personally, Salma Hayek's wavy blue dress made me go "Dude, that's an awesome dress!"

And yes, I'm secure enough in my heterosexuality to proclaim that a dress is awesome.

Post Oscar Thoughts
Jon Stewart was fine, but the Oscars were ho-hum. I wish Brokeback had won instead of Crash so at least the pioneering aspect could come from the subject matter, not the marketing campaign. Apparently, I was the only one in Hollywood who didn't get a DVD screener of Crash. So if someone's done with theirs, I want to confirm the fact that Paul Haggis is totally undeserving of his career boost.

Who Should've Won
Best Picture: Brokeback. It should've won. Just to piss off the red-staters.

Best Director: Ang Lee. He deserved it. He did the most with his script to craft a beautiful original vision while hewing close to the story. Every shot was the perfect shot for what he was going for-- and that sort of meticulous planning is why we should hope the 1.5 billion Asian people suffering under repressive dictators keep doing so. You know, so that people in Hollywood can make more money and not have our jobs outsourced.

Best Actress: Yes, Reese earned it, but I would've liked to see someone else win. Almost anyone else.

Best Actor: All five actors were very different performers and very great this year, but I truly think it was Philip Seymour Hoffman who gave the best performance. If there were a silver medal, well, then, Heath, I guess that would go to you for all the great publicity you got from Brokeback. But David Strathairn could use an Oscar, and so could Terrence Howard. But hey, he was in a Best Picture, so I guess it's all good.

Best Supporting Actress: Amy Adams from "Junebug" deserved it. She is absolutely pitch-perfect in that film and reminds me of Frances McDormand, Meryl Streep or other talented actresses. And she could've been our Anna Pacquin moment with an unexpected win. But whatever, Rachel Weisz, you're pretty, easy to work with compared to most starlets and supernice and we love you and whatever. But you totally got that reward because the Academy thought it was time for you to be annointed.

Best Supporting Actor: George won, which is fine since he didn't win Director and deserves an Oscar. William Hurt is too much of a non-entity. Jake should wait a year or two before he wins, but his nomination will surely increase his chances for future nods and wins. Matt Dillon's Crash performance wasn't noteworthy, but it's the first thing he's done in a long time that the Academy thought they might possibly recognize him for- so he got a nod. As for Paul Giamatti, we know you're good, already. We'll give you work. But Cinderella Man? No.

Best Score: Brokeback won, and since the music inspired a million parodies, I say it deserved the win.

Best Song: The Mafia was pretty excited, but I wish Dolly'd won it.

TV/Movie News
Jack Bauer is my hero. And "24" has managed to become the most captivating show on television. Hey, LOST, you know why? Because it almost seems like reality. Remember that. . . reality? It's been, like, this big trend in tv shows for awhile now.

I also caught the X3 trailer during 24. Brett Ratner may be upgraded to mediocre director from his current hacktastic level, if the movie holds up to the trailer. That's a big IF, mind you, Brett. However, I would like to say that the premise is looking fantastic. If you haven't heard, X3 (I'm not calling it "Last Stand" or whatever stupid title the studiohead appended) proposes that a 'cure' has been found for the 'X' gene, the gene that makes mutants mutant-y. The consequences of that on the world of the X-Men could make for a cool movie. Plus, Famke Janssen looks like she gets an amazing role, if that's possible in the world of Ratner. I bear her no ill will, despite the fact that her non-celebrity doppelganger is a raging bioyatchface.

So it looks like Superman Returns and X3 are the front runners in the "Vacuum Up Summer Dollars" Race.



Anonymous Tiffany said...

George Clooney is the most charismatic actor around.

11:48 AM

Blogger london cokehead said...

Yes , I agree.

On some bits

You can work out ( actually you probably can't , but it's gotta be worth a try ) with which bit I do agree ...

Apart from the bit I don't agree with.

I'm confusing myself now .

Allrighty ..

24 just rocks man !

7:09 PM

Anonymous Enrique said...

I'm glad Three 6 Mafia won best song... that's the only way I would've heard "I wanna give MAD ups to my boys George Clooney and Crunchy Black!" in the Oscars. Ever.

3:05 PM


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