Who's the Bigger Ho: My Girlfriend or the 405 Freeway?

Normally, I wouldn't leave you without an explanation, or at least a guest editor. Sorry. Thing is, it hasn't exactly been a great week. Last Sunday (the 5th) I headed over to the house of my now-ex-girlfriend "Famke", after picking up some sushi from her favorite restaurant. I wanted to surprise her-- she'd told me she was having kind of a cruddy day and was just cleaning and doing laundry at home.

Of course, we were all pretty surprised when I arrived just in time to hear her climax with some guy who looks like Billy Zane's retarded cousin.

Look, I know I'm in my mid-20s, and she's much, much, much older. I know it probably wasn't meant to last. And I knew that as great as she and I got along, I wasn't Mr. Right. I probably wasn't much more than an apparently-not-satisfying-enough-f&ck for her. Still, BREAK UP WITH ME FIRST IF YOU WANT TO SCREW SOMEONE ELSE!

I really don't feel like re-hashing all the verbal fireworks, so instead, check out this fun survey that speaks to the twin banes of my existence: My Ex and the 405 Freeway. And it answers the question: "Who's the bigger 'ho: my girlfriend or the 405 freeway?"

The 405 can look tempting no matter where you enter. Same thing with Famke.

You can be going down on the 405 for hours and never get off. The Ex takes much less.

Thousands ride on the 405 every day. Apparently, pretty much the same thing for Famke.

Both are slippery when wet.

The 405 never promised to be faithful. Famke did.

So guess who's the bigger 'ho?

Oh- and happy effin' Valentine's Day to all.