Clawing to escape the belly of the beast here in Hollywood. To commiserate, email my name assistantatlas at yahoo.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

The "Poop on Ryan Seacrest's Star" Contest!!!

If you're looking for the Executive of the Week post-- sorry. The Executive of the Week will henceforth be announced on Mondays, because I have decided that that is the official beginning of the work week. But Friday is a good day to start this contest.

Yes, that's right, folks. You read that title correctly.

Assistant/Atlas is running a contest to right the cosmic wrong that is Ryan Seacrest's star on the sidewalks of Hollywood. The first person to capture a photograph of the aforementioned event will receive fifty bucks.

Now, please review the eligibility requirements and other materials to enter.

In Order to Enter This Contest:
1) You must be over 21, because you'll probably need to be good and drunk in order to think this is a good idea.
2) You must be personally offended by the snowjob that is Ryan Seacrest's star.
3) You must have a sense of humor that would be considered above average as well as a strong constitution-- there is no crying in the "Poop on Ryan Seacrest's Star" Contest.

What You Need to Enter:
1) You, and probably a getaway driver
2) Feces, preferably runny, inside you or a plastic bag
3) A camera

To Win:
You must actually take two pictures as proof. The first should be close on the star-- with Ryan Seacrest's name at least mostly visible-- after the business has been done. The second should be one of you doing the dirty deed, whether it be you squatting or just of you dumping a bag of business. It is acceptable to not show your face or to wear a ski mask during the deed to both avoid prosecution and the inevitable embarrassment of winning. Although, if you're willing to do the deed on a sidewalk in Hollywood, then maybe you're a publicity hound. And that's okay, too.

Please note: Getting a homeless person to do his business on the star will not be accepted! Remember, this is cosmic justice, people. You must be so personally offended by Ryan Seacrest's star that you are going to defile it yourself.

To Assuage Your Worries:

I, Assistant Atlas, promise that I will not show other people, post on the Internet or in any way release, anything but the winning pictures. And for the sick-minded of you out there, please note that I am NOT doing this to satisfy a bizarro people-pooping fetish. I assure that I am much more likely to burn any pictures I receive than to pleasure myself in any way while looking at them.

Please email assistantatlas@yahoo.com for picture-sending instructions. Thank you. . . and good luck!

43 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is, hands-down, the BEST CONTEST EVER! I'm calling my getaway driver right now.

11:01 PM

 
Blogger Grace said...

Shit. No, not literally. I can't poop in public.

I'm out, dammit.

1:01 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wish I was in LA to do this! I can't to see it happen and what kind of reaction it gets!

7:26 AM

 
Blogger Mavis Beacon said...

I work right next to the star and mentally poop on it daily. I'll see what I can do about physicalizing things. I find the whole contest especially poetic because Ryan Seacrest loves to see a fella making good use of his pooper.

3:56 PM

 
Blogger Peggy Archer said...

I don't have the huevos to do it, but I know someone who's easily manipulated after a few drinks, and I'm going to give it a shot!

6:40 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am going to take a road trip up there just to pull this one off. I am deeply offended by Seacrest. First I will begin by fiber packing 24 hrs in advance and then down a few bars of EX-LAX.

12:48 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can get grap my friends dog and bring him down to the park a few blocks over grab so fresh poop, have a few friends gather around the crapped star and take the pics and we can all hop in the Armada cause we got handicapped parking :)

Let me email this to her now.

7:09 AM

 
Blogger Richard Fox said...

So I am happily ignorant of the business of new Hollywood so can someone tell me how in the hell Mr. Peroxide got a star and Karen Black is still Starless. There is no justice in this world!!!!!!

P.S. I'm in LA in July and I know a few whack jobs who would be more than happy to do this. Maybe we can pry it out of the ground but that probably entails some pretty hefty fines and jail time.

10:05 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When does the contest end?

The stupid thing is these stars have to file paper work or something and nominate themselves for a star. So you can bet that Ryan Seacrest has been badgering the poor people that run whom ever it is that controls the stars, for like years. Maybe they'd like to poop on his star?

7:23 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why the hell does he have a star in the first place? He HAS to be blackmailing someone on the Walk of Fame Committee, or else someone who's partically responsible for the horror that is American Idol wouldn't get a star.

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog would be the perfect pooper.

7:40 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who was stupid enough to give him a star?!?!?

7:01 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate Ryan (Seamen) I meant Seacrest I have an offer for the people that want his star to disapear. Here it is come up with $4,000.00 and I will remove it from the Walk of fame and i meen to rip that shit from the ground and smash it I will gladdly shit on it after for a full $4,000.00. That includes ripping it from the ground and shitting on it and dumping it at the location of your choice.
Email me at mack4031@yahoo.com if you want to do the deal. I will sign a contract to insure my performance. Also if there are any other "STARS" that should offend you the pleasure would be all yours for the same nominal fee. For some stars I will perform a 2 for one special.
Sincerely,
Todd Mc-----

2:33 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

dude, you better post the photos you recieve! Can't wait.

4:23 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't believe you only have 14 comments. That shows how few people watch Celebrity Justice, eh?

Anyway, something about poop and Seacrest and how he deserves it and how I agree. The end.

10:50 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Incredible. Bravo Assistant/Atlas.

11:59 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Why the hell does he have a star in the first place?"
Sorry folks, you need only pay a publicist to pay the Hollywood Walk of Fame commitee in order to get a star.
I wish I wasn't uncomfortable pooping in public though leaving a pile of poop on the street isn't cool.

7:30 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ha ha ha lmao.My co workers and i have all agreed to polifirate,(pooop) together all at setting on the golder star.There are 63 of us in all i think someone will get the message.Lmao

11:18 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

all of you lame ass motherfuckers need to get off of the computer and go by some fuckin dro from yo dealer you bitch ass niggaz
-AITVLNZ-

3:28 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do I get bonus points if Ryan Seacrest is actually there to see me poop on his star?

5:42 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

/\Do it.

1:49 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LMAO... I wish I had the runs to help you out. He is an ass, which is the point right. Too funny.

1:01 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So has anyone done this yet? I know this contest started a long time ago, and I heard something about Ryan Seacrest was suing this site. What's the deal? If I lived in Cali, I'd diarreah on his star. Anyone who wants to do this just has to get someone else to cause a distraction first. Get it done. I hate that midget.

5:29 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Because of constipation it would be too risky for me to do this. Laxitives don't work anymore. Fecal impaction eminent. Please say a prayer for me. Thanks.
HBG

8:40 PM

 
Blogger Unknown said...

ANybody read "Ryan Seacrest is Famous" yet? Check it out, right up your alley, from what I see here! :)

www.ryanseacrestisfamous.com

6:00 PM

 
Blogger kimberly sayer said...

Ryan John Seacrest is an American radio, television host, and television producer. He is the host of On Air with Ryan Seacrest, a nationally-syndicated Top 40 radio show that airs on KIIS-FM in Los Angeles and throughout the United States and Canada on Premiere Radio Networks,Costa rica toursand the internationally-syndicated chart show American Top 40, also syndicated by Premiere Radio Networks. On television, Seacrest hosts E! News, and American Idol.
http://www.kingtours.com

12:43 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seacrest was born on December 24, 1974, in an Atlanta suburb, Dunwoody, Georgia, the son of Constance Marie (née Zullinger),Costa rica toursa homemaker, and Gary Lee Seacrest, an attorney. He is of Swiss descent
http://www.kingtours.com

10:21 AM

 
Blogger jimmychooshoes said...

Alexander McQueen Neon flash shoe boots
Manolo Blahnik Black Calf leather Boots
Manolo Blahnik Blue Pointed-Toe Pump
mcqueen shoes
alexander mcqueen heels
Alexander McQueen Store
Jimmy Choo sale
Replica jimmy choo shoes
manolo blahnik online store
manolo shoes
manolo blahnik sale
replica christian louboutin shoes
discount christian louboutin shoes
alexander mcqueen shoes
jimmy choo outlet
jimmy choos
jimmy shoes
Manolo Blahnik Shoes
christian shoes

4:23 AM

 
Blogger istanbul said...

TTG Travel Agency is a leading travel agency and tour operator in istanbul Turkey with more than seven years of professional travel service. Because of our dedication and commitment to your needs istanbul travel we are able to offer you better quality of service at lower prices than other operators. http://www.istanbulhotels.com We provide hundreds of elaborately pre-designed Turkey tour packages, Turkey tours discounted, Guided turkey hotels and Turkey Tours, and we also provide customized travel service that is organized according to your specific needs and requirements http://www.istanbulhotels.com Our tours are professionally guided, intimate, and safe.

7:43 AM

 
Blogger pedro velasquez said...

I don't much follow the hot celebrities these days. I don't know if Ryan Seacrest is the guy married to Jessica Simpson; for that matter,dominical costa rica tours I don't know which one is Jessica Simpson and which one is the girl who was the redhead in Clueless. Whatever. The point is that this Ryan Seacrest person is young, handsome, rich, and probably getting lots of girls, which is enough to make me hate him. So it's with much glee that I present the Poop on Ryan Seacrest's Star Contest.
http://www.dominicalcostaricatours.com

4:53 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

İsmek Yemek Pastacılık Kursları istanbulda ücretsiz yemek kursu

1:39 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Zerrin Dogan Sevismeleriniizlemek yeşilçamdan erotiklerininunutalmaz sahnelerinden seçme arşivlik filmelri sekselrinidi izlemekiçin gelin

9:03 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Figen Han Arsiv Yeşilçam Güzelinin Arşivlik Sıcakfilmlerinden seviseelerini turksekssahnelerini seyrdertem

9:05 AM

 
Blogger Unknown said...

All the cheap Christian Louboutin Heel for selling within our shop would be to provide services of first-class quality. you can take satisfaction in a whole lot more discount.The christian louboutin evening Platform whole lot could be the good and stylish one.They occur in fascinating style and design and stylish christian louboutin peep toe.These women's christian louboutin pumps are luxury and noble.The pump display formal, a whole lot more display its gorgeous gloss and honour. good heel with thick soles collocation to strengthen all round modelling, carry into some mysterious alluring taste! This pairs of large christian louboutin wedges features a pretty significant part for women's fabulous entire body figure, display their fantastic figure and stylish attitude.Welcome to share Christian Louboutin Store!

8:24 PM

 
Anonymous escort roma said...

This won't actually have success, I think so.

12:13 AM

 
Blogger Frank said...

Hey,
Loving your blog, awesome tips on blog you have here. I
would just like to ask you some questions privately, mindWinRaR Free Download,IDM Free Download,function venues geelong,la Fitness,Mobile Prices in Pakistan

3:14 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I always say that friday is the best day of the week because it is the last day that you have to work. Even sites like cialis online takes it seriously with promotions.

1:46 PM

 
Blogger Mohtasham said...

good informative blog, I always read your blogs whenever I get free. Keep on updating it with new stuff, I love your work. latest sms l how to make chicken biryani l tandoori chicken recipe

12:10 AM

 
Blogger Mohtasham said...

this is an awesome article must appreciate it, the ways you have explained above is really awesome, exercises to do at home l how to make chicken biryanil latest sms

8:26 PM

 
Blogger Unknown said...

Visited so many blogs, I find this a very unique and interesting, glad to be here.

Data cabling

4:03 AM

 
Blogger Unknown said...

I remember saying that it is providing new cutting board scorpion is not being kicked in the face skin facebook entrar perfil , facebook entrar mi cuenta , facebook entrar login , girl.go.games , facebook entrar , facebook entrar , facebook entrar

1:07 AM

 
Blogger Unknown said...

Do not sleep all night just to change the script for the big glitch whatsapp gratis , unblockedgames very nice , free unblockedgames online to play , descargar whatsapp , unblocked games 77 , unblocked games online

2:16 AM

 
Blogger Unknown said...

Latest Govt Job Notification 2016

IBPS Specialist Officer Recruitment Notification 2015-16

Really your blog is very interesting it contains great and unique information It's just amazing Thanks very much. ........

9:04 PM

 
Blogger Unknown said...

Latest Govt Bank Jobs Recruitment Notification 2016

Great info. Lucky me I ran across your site by accident, I have saved as a favorite for later...........

2:33 AM

 

Post a Comment

<< Home