VOTE! Soon. Episode 1.37

"The Poop on Ryan Seacrest's Star" Update is below this post, since [sadly] that's probably what you're looking for. Thanks to the good people at KROQ for their interview regarding the contest. Now, on to Episode 1.37. . .

Los Angeles Mayor position up for the taking– Hahn and Villaraigosa. Election or something, dude. Vote for things like propositions and stuff. Hey, where’s that voter guide they sent? Isn’t there a City Council seat. . . Yeah, Flora Gil-Krisishizlleloff. That’s who I’m voting for.

Here is the official election editorial by Assistant Atlas, on behalf of young white kids of voting age and assistants everywhere.

So, Jim Hahn has had four years to tackle the myriad problems facing Los Angeles. Other than hiring a respected police chief, what has Hahn done? Answer: jackity-jack. I'm sorry, Mr. Hahn, but you got a full term as mayor and you wasted it.

Fortunately for you, people in LA are content that you didn't totally destroy the city. Which is sad. It's also why we, the young and angry, need to vote. Hahn's opponent, Antonio Villaraigosa [why do people have such problems with his last name, it's friggin' cool], is more than qualified to take over the city. And I bet he'd do something. Sure, he wouldn't fix traffic. God couldn't fix the traffic in LA. But I get the feeling he'd do SOMETHING. Los Angeles can ill afford to put off long-term investments in infrastructure, especially mass transit, which is what Hahn has done [except LAX, where he's pushing a BLATANTLY RETARDED program instead of boosting other local airports like Long Beach, Burbank and Ontario to take the pressure off LAX].

So join me in voting for Antonio Villaraigosa on Tuesday. It's about time we had a Latino mayor in LA, anyway-- whitey's run the city for long enough.

VOTE FOR VILLARAIGOSA-- at least we don't know for sure that he totally sucks.