Would You Go Gay for Hetero Sex?: 3.03
I thought this post would be nicely appropriate as we gallop through the weekend. Famke and I were watching "Gia", which we've both seen several times and any hardcore Angelina fan will know and love, and cuddle-talkin' when we veered off into a very peculiar conversational direction.
We were watching that part in "Gia" where Angelina/Gia gets it on in a foursome with her then-winsome movie-boyfriend Eric Michael Cole--whose IMDB publicity photo is scary-- but does a good job in the movie. Anyway, they're drinking have fun with an older couple [not old, 'old', just older-ish] and Angelina gets things started by making out with both the older guy and Eric Michael Cole. Things are getting hot and heavy when the two guys suddenly end up kissing.
At that point, Famke goes: "Ohhh [three's h's, I checked], that's so hot."
Thinking she was talking about Angelina, because seriously, who wouldn't be:
I say, "Yeah, she's amazing."
Famke: "No, I mean the guys, that's so hot." Onscreen, the guys continue heaving petting as Angelina walks over to the wife to use her patented Siren-Angelina Hotness Wiles on her.
The innocent Atlas responds: "Really? You think two guys making out is hot?"
Famke snuggles into me and digs her hands toward her belly: "Oh God, yes."
Physically, I back off her a bit and re-adjust. I say, "You've been watching too much Pedro Almodovar lately" as my eyeballs zap onto Angelina and her other woman.
Famke turns to look at me. Famke: "What, and the thought of two women fooling around doesn't excite you in the least?"
Atlas smiles, he knows the right answer to this one: "I'm a one-woman guy, baby." Famke gives an obliging grin, then offers, her off-handedness reminding me of her Eurocentricity, "Of course. Haven't you ever even kissed a guy?"
I respond with a quick and masculine "No."**
Famke rolls her eyes: "It's not that different from kissing a woman." Famke scoots further from me on the bed and offers a slight frown: "I'm surprised you're so close-minded about this, Atlas."
Stumbling blindly into a minefield, I say: "I am not close-minded. I mean, I love my gay uncles. I'm just. . . heterosexual." Satisfied in my answer, I reach for Famke's arm with a smile.
But she looks annoyed: "You're heterosexual. You're a one on the Kinsey scale and you've never wanted more than one woman?" Damn that Liam Neeson.
I sputter: "No, I, I mean, I guess I've thought about it, you know. Been kinda like, 'that'd be neat-o'. But not seriously."
Famke: "Well, it's the same thing. I wish you were more comfortable with your sexuality."
My masculinity shrinking in the gale of her words, I say: "I am comfortable with my sexuality. I'm straight."
Famke: "But you wouldn't be comfortable making out with another straight man?"
Atlas: "Wha- no. What?"
Famke: "If you're straight, then I wouldn't see why making out with another man would be so uncomfortable for you."
Atlas has no idea how to respond to this statement and goes with: "Um, I just think it would be weird?"
Wouldn't that be weird, Chad?
Famke continues: "After all, if you're so secure, I can't see that it'd be a big deal."
Head spinning, I respond: "No I wouldn't, be insecure. I just, wouldn't want to do it."
Famke draws quick: "But you might in some cases. What if Brad Pitt and Angelina asked you to have sex with them."
I smile: "Fine, I guess if I had to have sex with Brad Pitt in order to have sex with Angelina Jolie I would."
Famke: "But you would derive no pleasure from Brad Pitt?"
Atlas: "Um, that question makes me really uncomfortable."
**There was that one time in college, but that was totally different, and no, you won't be getting further details. Okay, fine: there was lots of drug-things involved and girls around and--I don't have to justify myself to you people, I'm an anonymous blogger. I just want to know what y'all make of all this.
Would I go gay to get with you? Yes.
Yes, yes I would for Angelina Jolie.
But I welcome your comments on this one because I just feel all confusey-ed.
And if you're all really good, then I'll tell you who made the lists that Famke and I had of people we'd consider going gay for. We totally might have a threesome. Why do I keep going on about this? I dunno, it keep me entertained. I love weekends.