Clawing to escape the belly of the beast here in Hollywood. To commiserate, email my name assistantatlas at yahoo.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

The Winners and Losers Of The New CW: 4.19

It's the burning question-- the one all the assistants have been buzzing about. What's up with "the CW"? And what's up with the name? They couldn't have anagramed up something with "WB" and "UPN"? You could get "BUN", "WUPN", "BUP" or what about the "WU"? Personally, I'd like to work for the "WU", but only if it was corporate policy to pronounce it like "Woo!" and then make that tired raise-the-roof gesture.

But somehow I don't think Les Moonves'-corporate-kid-sister and current UPN honcho Dawn Ostroff, would be all about the 'Woo!' And whither the WB's honcho? Actually, who is the WB's honcho? Why, it's none other than our very own Garth Ancier!

And now, a requiem haiku for Garth Ancier:

I wanted you gone.
And now, now it has happened.
Good riddance, biyotch.

But enough with the media gods, what about us mere mortals sweating it out in the trenches?

1) Shows That Get To Hang Around: They win because there will be more money for shows: bigger audiences can support higher-budget shows. Among them:
Gilmore Girls: Rory will be getting a raise.
Veronica Mars: Lo and behold, they're keepin' Veronica. At least all press release indications look that way. I, for one, would like to say: SWEEEET!
Supernatural: "the people" of Jared Padalecki & Jensen Ackles, plus McG, should make out like bandits. Maybe now they'll be able to afford to hire actual writers, if they don't spend all the extra cash on Jensen's hair.

2) Les Moonves: Now one step closer to completing his glorious world-domination agenda.

3) Dawn Ostroff: While Les is away minding CBS/taking over the world, the CW becomes her little fifth-place turf. At least until she's booted.

4) Media Companies Producing Filler: The newly-primetime-less affiliates are going shopping for programming. Got some?

Seated at the far left, Les Moonves knows that it's just a matter of time until he bumps off the two other guys and moves yet another step closer to total world domination. It's good to be the Moonves.

1) High-Level WB Execs: Who seem to be wilting, led by the aforementioned Garth. UPN execs seem oddly less affected. Is this a palace coup for Les Moonves? Perhaps. Time shall tell.

2) Affiliates: Um, so now we've got all these extra tv stations and stuff. That's not good. Or is it?

3) Charmed: Finally. It wasn't mentioned in the press releases. Which means it probably will die with The WB. Dear God, let it die with the WB.

4) NBC: Didn't think it could get worse than fourth place, huh, Jeff?

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Blogger lad said...

I hope "Smallville" sticks around. I mean, I don't watch it or anything but I...okay, I plan my Thursday nights around it.

10:34 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I haven't seen an exact run-down of what is and isn't carrying over to the CW. Any chance you'd whip one up, Atlas, so I don't have to find it myself?

9:50 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, I would totally work for the WU! Woo!

It is a little clunky if you don't say it like 'Woo', though.

6:38 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

What I *really* loved? Was that the internal memo they sent to all of us about the formation of the CW, had only 10 little words that said "this means that UPN will cease operations in the fall" in the middle of a 6 paragraph, GIANT memo launching the CW. No one on the inside at UPN save for Dawn Ostroff really knew this was coming... or so it's said around the hallways anyhow.

It was corporate poetry at it's finest. Go Les.

7:38 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not be racist, because I'm not, but UPN was always more "black" (i.e. Girlfriends, etc) and the WB was always more "white" (i.e Gilmore Girls). I don't see how it will mesh well.

6:38 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Anon@9:50, read Variety. They had a nice color graphic, listing safe ones and shows "On The Bubble".

Frankly, the only show I'm worried about is One Tree Hill. Because I shouldn't have to rely on Atlas for my Chad Michael Murray fix.

7:40 PM


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