Clawing to escape the belly of the beast here in Hollywood. To commiserate, email my name assistantatlas at yahoo.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Hot, Hot Heat with Angelina Jolie: 2.06



Now, many of you may not be aware that Atlas is an extremely attractive heterosexual man, and thus, has more than his fair share of ladyfriends. Ryan Colucci knows what I'm talking about.

I think a lot of women out there, having watched Lindsay Lohan go from voluptuous hottie to famine victim, are wondering if ultra-thin is the new bronze [which is the new black]. Do the hot, available men like Atlas and Ryan Colucci want a woman like this? Hell, no.
We're with Kenny Chesney on this one. Well, I can only speak for Kenny and myself. Ryan may perhaps like his women to be all bone.

But, please, women, if you are going to strive for some unattainable pop culture/movie icon, then please, pick the right one. Choose Angelina Jolie. Please. Be hot and sexy and ready to fight or f*ck at a moment's notice. Be limber and agile and able to kick someone's butt and not need a man to open the pickle jar [um, but please ask us to do it anyway, once in awhile, just so we're not completely emasculated]. Now, Kenny already has his icon, and not being roly-poly country stars, the rest of us will probably have to settle for a near-Jolie.

Why is Angelina the hottest woman on the planet? Allow me to share the text of a news item originally from the Internet Movie Database, which is imdb.com to those who type it regularly. On June 1st, they reported--ahem...

Angelina Jolie dumbfounded Mr. And Mrs. Smith director Doug Liman with her eagerness to make sex scenes in the movie as eye-watering as possible. Liman instructed the sexy 29-year-old to perform the kinkiest sex acts he could think of, just to shock her - but none of his suggestions were new to the saucy star. He says, "I suggested she should perform the most graphic, crazy sex act I could imagine for the love scene just to try to shock her. Like 10 steps beyond anything I'd consider doing in my own life. She starts furrowing her brows. I'm like, 'Oh, never heard of that one?' She's like, 'No, actually I'm just trying to figure out whether I've done that one.'"

Sh*t, man. I mean, dang. DANG. Oh sure, some guys out there prefer virgins [Wilmer Valderama, anyone?] but I'd take an experienced woman any day. Why? Because virgins are boring and eventually the thrill fades and you're left with a stupid girl mooning over you because you "made her a woman". In my heaven, there ain't 77 virgins-- there's 77 Angelina clones...actually, that's probably too many to handle. Maybe just three or four waiting to play all sorts of. . .

Maybe I better stop here. So the point of today's post is this: Strong, healthy, experienced women are way hotter than demure ingenues. So much hotter. I mean, just look at that.

18 Comments:

Blogger Peggy Archer said...

In my experience the mens seem to go for the junk in the trunk over the "Jesus, would you eat somthing" look.

While I'm white, I have the "black girl butt" and I've not had any problems with men in Hollywood, if you know what I mean..

8:42 PM

 
Blogger london cokehead said...

Yowser Yowser , Angelina , you need me baby !!!

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Holy crap that's a hot picture. Good job, Atlas.

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Anonymous Noli said...

As a completely hetero female, let me say that I'd tap that ass...

and I don't mean yours Atlas...

;)

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Atlas... The more I read, the more I like! Thank GOD for the new image-enhanced blog! I owe you a beer at Barney's Beanery if I can ever figure out who you are.

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