Clawing to escape the belly of the beast here in Hollywood. To commiserate, email my name assistantatlas at yahoo.

Monday, June 27, 2005

Showing Bubbles How It's Done: 2.16

So today, Sloane had me 'teach Bubbles everything you know'. If that were even possible, it would be an hopelessly complicated task considering the enormity of what Bubbles doesn't know. Fortunately, all I think Sloane meant was 'everything I know about being an assistant.' Still an impossible task considering her learning curve, but I guess it must be done.

Now, remember, I choose 'Bubbles' as her fake name because of the AbFab reference , not because it's the name of Michael Jackson's chimp. Although, that didn't exactly turn me off to the name or make me think it inappropriate. Bubbles is, in many ways, a blond chimp with the ability to speak some form of English.

Bubbles: "What's up with the sitch on the stuff for Val? You know, the stats and stuff."

It's fun times with Bubbles, keeps me on my toes. Also, I feel like I'm in ESL class for Valleyspeak.

Bubbles: "So you do everything by the alphabet?"

Training Bubbles to be an executive/creative/all-around assistant is like training a dolphin to be a firefighter. It just ain't gonna happen properly, no matter how much the poor dolphin tries.

Bubbles: "Oh, so like, you have to keep track of everyone you talk to on the phone about stuff?"

Bubbles rarely seems to grasp concepts such as: 'you have to do the work or things get all messed up'.

Bubbles: "Should I like, leave a message?"

Unless you want to keep calling back every two minutes, I'd go ahead and do that.

Bubbles: "You know, like, in the right light, you sorta look like Michael Vartan, except younger."

You're incorrigible, woman. You're sleeping with Sloane, so if I slept with you, it would be like I slept with him. And I can't even begin to fathom how wrong that is. Also, you're still gonna have to do the work, eventually-- I'm pretty sure it's impossible to flirt your way out of every situation.

Bubbles: "Can't we just pretend we did it?"

Sure. We could also pretend we live in a magical fairyland where jobs are superfun and there are magical castles made of cocaine and gingerbread. But that doesn't actually do anything.

Bubbles: "That guy was totally not very nice. I am NOT calling him back again."
Atlas: "I know, he is an a$$, so just try to keep conversations short and to the point with him."
Bubbles: "Why can't we just ignore know, like forever?"

Funny, I've asked myself the same thing about you.

Bubbles: "This job sucks."

I guess that means I've taught her all I can. Go, Bubbles, go into the world...

This, by the way, is Jane Horrocks, who played Bubble on AbFab.


Blogger Jason B. said...

A/A - How to put this gently..? As someone who loves the blog and has gained respect for you and your efforts I have to ask, especially considering the most recent post, are you worried for your job? I mean if this were a movie... First you find out that S and B are sleeping together, then S asks you to "teach B everything you know." What's the inevitable next event? It could be that Sloane's just trying to help Bubbles get a job somewhere else or maybe to replace [the woman up front - I forget her name], but it could be that he wants to replace you.

Of course, if he cans you then Bubble would run the place into ground so that would be a kind of revenge.

You obviously have 20/20 vision, but I'm just saying...

12:26 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I gotta agree with the last comment, you've obviously got your thumb on all the office happenings but something seems to be brewing there....

Also if she really, really, really made the 'alphabet' comment - I fear for your mental health.

3:04 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, I have to say I'm as curious as Bubbles. I mean, I've been dropping in on this blog every so often and I've still to find out what exactly it is that you do. Apparently you get on the phone once in a while. But as far as I can tell, nothing ever comes of it, except occasionally someone gets invited to take a shit in Sloane's hat. I'll bet you spend a lot of time playing solitaire (join the club). Better get Bubbles clued in:

"No, Bubbles, you can't put a King on a Queen. The Queen goes on top of the King. And they have to be different colors".

"That's cool, I'm into integration. But why does it matter who's on top?"

7:45 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

From the opening, was haggard to the pitch and revolve technique of taste ed hardy In reality, he sought to be a legendary swing star, but lacked the singing tone ed hardy clothing Christian then enthused into method, shop the impressive group you see today. ed hardy discount Christian has left his indelible type on numerous brands over the forgotten 20 years, but now brings you his newest creations ed hardy sale fragrances, Ed Hardy belts, Ed Hardy perfume, Ed Hardy eyewear, Ed Hardy hats and cheap ed hardy Kids shoes.Christian Audigier and legendary tattoo artist Don ed hardy have united their unconventional approaches and bent a vintage tattoo-inspired shoe line to compliment the well-established ed hardy discount clothing line. Any comparable designer would relax on their glory after having made such a patent impression on the rage world. However, is not resting. ed hardy clothing His charismatic and lively luxury to chic, fueled by Christians cheery promotional strategy

1:44 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ancient Greek philosophy was divided into three sciences: physics, ethics, and logic. This division is perfectly suitable to the nature of the thing; and the only improvement that can be made in it is to add the principle on which it is based,Silver Tiffany so that we may both satisfy ourselves of its completeness, and also be able to determine correctly the necessary subdivisions.Tiffany JewelryAll rational knowledge is either material or formal: the former considers some object, the latter is concerned only with the form of the understanding and of the reason itself,Tiffany Bracelets and with the universal laws of thought in general without distinction of its objects. Formal philosophy is called logic.Material philosophy,Tiffany Earrings however, has to do with determinate objects and the laws to which they are subject, is again twofold; for these laws are either laws of nature or of freedom.Tiffany Necklaces The science of the former is physics, that of the latter, ethics; they are also called natural philosophy and moral philosophy respectively.

3:07 AM

Blogger chenlina said...

ugg boots
coach factory outlet online
toms shoes
louis vuitton purses
coach factorty outlet online
coach outlet
coach outlet
juicy couture
true religion
louis vuitton outlet
longchamp bags
louis vuitton handbags
nike air force 1
air jordans
oakley sunglasses
timberland outlet
christian louboutin outlet
polo ralph lauren
louis vuitton outlet stores
louis vuitton outlet
michael kors handbags
lebron 13
louis vuitton outlet online
oakley sunglasses cheap
toms outlet
asics outlet
true religion jeans
nba jerseys
cheap jordan shoes
louis vuitton bags
coach outlet
louis vuitton handbags
coach outlet
michael kors outlet online
kd 8 shoes
giuseppe zanotti
christian louboutin shoes
ralph lauren outlet
toms wedges

7:28 PM

Blogger Yaro Gabriel said...


heat jerseys
stephen curry shoes
ugg outlet
mcm outlet
coach outlet
fred perry polo shirts
dsquared2 jeans
knicks jerseys
saucony shoes
moncler jackets

11:27 PM

Blogger Yaro Gabriel said...


michael kors outlet
ray ban sunglasses
canada goose outlet
air jordan 12
coach outlet
coach factory outlet
air more uptempo
michael kors outlet
nike roshe one
marc jacobs outlet

7:51 PM

Blogger yesi nurazizah said...

Very Nice Blog Updation Keep Updating !!

Pengobatan Kelenjar Tiroid
Cara Mengobati Penyakit Ambeien Sampai Tuntas
Pengobatan Penyakit Sinusitis
Pengobatan Varises dengan Bahan Alami
Obat Radang Dinding Rahim
Obat Penyakit Miom dan Kista
Cara Mengobati Penyakit Kencing Nanah

12:28 AM

Blogger Yesi Nurazizah said...

Thank you very helpful article. allow me to join to share health articles with your article hopefully useful.

Obat Keloid Terampuh
Obat Kaki Bengkak Alami
Cara Mengobati Kaki Gajah
Obat Herbal Untuk Penyakit Kolera
Cara Cepat Untuk Menghilangkan Panu
Cara Menghaluskan Wajah
Cara Mengobati Tumor Otak

4:43 PM

Blogger yesi nurazizah said...

This article will hopefully help and benefit us all

Cara Mengobati Penyakit Gagal Ginjal
Obat Penyakit Insomnia
Cara Alami Untuk Mengobati Batuk Kronis
Cara Mengobati Penyakit Usus Buntu
Cara Mengobati Mata Merah Berlendir
Obat Untuk Penyakit TBC
Cara Pemesanan QnC Jelly Gamat

6:52 PM


Post a Comment

<< Home