Clawing to escape the belly of the beast here in Hollywood. To commiserate, email my name assistantatlas at yahoo.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Breaking News: The Apocalypse Is Nigh!: 2.29

The first seal was the contract on Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
The second seal was their sizzling meeting on the set.
The third was the heady mixture of sweat & gunplay under the camera lights.
The fourth seal was broken in the consummation of their carnal desire.
The fifth was the pictures of Brad & Maddox on the four-wheeler.
The sixth was a return to the African love jungle that spawned their love for the adoption of Jolie's prophetically-named Zahara Marley.
Now, the seventh seal. . . Brad Pitt has contracted some sort of African "flu" and remains in Cedars-Sinai. I fear even the best celebrity doctors in the world can't stop the inevitable wrath of God for the creation of a Super-Sexual African Eden with Brangelina as the celebrity Adam & Eve.

Pictures of Brad Pitt and the horrible, scarring diseases sure to plague us all are coming soon!

This is Brad Pitt, sower of disease and discord. Who let his loins be charmed by Angelina's exotic ways. Now he suffers the wrath of the all-important flu!

It better not be like the German version of herpes.

More Breaking News! I'm an a$$hole! I was just informed by Ardustry Entertainment Director of Development Joseph LeFavi HIMSELF, that I spelled his name wrong in my "Executive of the Week--Season Two" post. Apparently, there's no space between the "Le" and "Favi". My bad.

I was also informed that Joe is, in fact, "not little", but a "solid 5'10" with brown hair, hazel eyes, and a humungous... office" and enjoys "writing, Chinese food, strolls through the park, and fireside cuddling." What a catch, eh ladies?

In other news, I'm definitely starting a development exec dating service. Between Ryan Colucci and Joe, we'd be big pimpin'.


Blogger london cokehead said...

I watched Mr and Mrs Smith last night and absolutely loved it ( i'm sad like that ) , but as for a permanent item !!

Umm that's really gonna last , not !

As for the flu , I would say it's probably Columbia Flu and not African , if you get my meaning ..

3:51 PM

Blogger Hbarr said...

Brad may have started the latest Hollywood diet craze: Going to Africa and contracting the ebola virus.

4:04 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just laughed so much I peed a little. Thanks, Atlas.

4:27 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

If the only way for Brad Pitt's flu/herpes disease to spread is by kissing him, then we are in truly deep sh*t.

8:25 PM

Blogger Gwyn said...

Eh. I'm with Bill Maher on this one. Let the two best-looking people in the world fuck each other.

10:23 PM

Anonymous Noli said...

See what happens when you step outside your marriage vows Brad?

Sure they're arguably the two hottest people on the planet but c'mon Angelina has been attached to every friggin co-star she's worked with now all of a sudden Brad's the one?! Give me a break.

Serious note - I hope it's nothing serious. Ew.

12:57 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd go out with Ryan Colucci.

Can you actually make that happen?

7:33 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

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But you'd better take a look here to find a really DIFFERENT dating site.
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6:11 AM


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