Why Bubbles Will Never Be a Good Assistant: 2.24

Back when I posted about teaching Bubbles, several of you (oh, you dear, sweet readers) expressed concerned that Sloane might be grooming Bubbles to take my place. Maybe this is a tad defensive, but there is a reason Sloane will let Bubbles finish college and move on to a different firm-- several reasons actually.

The first is that she is truly, truly stupid. And even Sloane, with his mind inhibited by his penis, understands that.

The second is that at heart, he still fancies himself a non-philistine.

You see, I read his scripts. Not just some of them, but all of them. Everything Sloane has read for the past year, he has read with my approval or even endorsement. Granted, that has only been perhaps a dozen scripts. But that's how I got the job and that's why I keep it-- because I only send on the good stuff. With Bubbles, Sloane would be reading three times as much and most of it would be craptastic action pieces or tired rom/coms or third-rate horror hopefuls.

There's also the matter of Bubbles and the phone. In that respect, she's just clueless. She doesn't understand that certain people should be put through to Sloane immediately, some he should be made to call back after a pep talk and/or briefing, and some that Sloane should never, ever talk to, lest they be invited to do some doody in his hat.

Plus, Bubbles has a whole 'nother year of USC to "feed" her brain before she really gets into the biz. Though when she does, watch out. As a hot young blonde, Bubbles is privy to a whole other plane of sex that I fear I will not ever be privy to, even if I shave my chest and go to the gym every day. Because as much as I hate to admit it, Bubbles is a head-turner. . . maybe I should be worried.

Of course, I'd like to think that even if I was replaced by Bubbles, I'd land on my feet. I've got a good base of experience, a fine education (yeah, USC, go figure), solid references, and a consistently charming personality. In fact, just yesterday I received a call from one of the big acronym agencies and apparently they want me for an interview (I sent in my resume during a bout of Sloane sickness a few weeks before I left on vacation and now they've decided they want me-- go figure). Now, granted, I hate Sloane, but I might just hate these people more. But since no Ho'wood job is ever stable, maybe now's the time to jump ship. I dunno. We shall see, I suppose.

But thanks for letting me know you've got my back, y'all. Just for that, I'll be posting an Asstastic Exec of the Week later today. So all you Asstastic Execs, watch out. And all you assistants out there-- don't worry, I, at least, have heard your cries. Karma will be making his rounds shortly.