Clawing to escape the belly of the beast here in Hollywood. To commiserate, email my name assistantatlas at yahoo.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Whisper Price Game: The British Are Comin'!

This week's Whisper Price Game will feature stars and starlets coming to us from across the pond. Remember, they still think of us as "bloody colonials" so feel free to mock away.

Kate Beckinsale has seen her film career take off, despite the highly-publicized flops of "Van Helsing" and the awfulness of "Pearl Harbor". But with the Underworld sequel, she's got a probably successful action franchise in the works, and doesn't seem to have trouble finding work otherwise. Can this London-born beauty be worth a big whisper price?

Technically Irish, Jonathan Rhys Meyers scored an indie megahit with "Bend It Like Beckham", but he's been working steadily since he was about sixteen. Frankly, I've never been disappointed by a performance of his, despite the fact that he's reportedly something of a loose cannon. But he's young ho'wood at its foreign finest, so that's gotta do something for his price, right? Also, what is up with his eyes? They're friggin' hypnotic on screen.

Orlando Bloom I just don't get. I mean, I guess he's attractive and stuff, but is he really all that gorgeous? Apparently. Well, we all liked him as Legolas and I thought he was a good Paris in Troy, despite the relative sucktitude of that flick [not to mention its wildly inaccurate history]. But his Kingdom of Heaven didn't exactly propel him to action-hero status, but for now, his film future looks secure with Elizabethtown and the Pirates sequels. But with such a mixed record, how would you determine Bloom's Whisper Price?

Sienna Miller-- what was she in, again? Oh, yes, "Alfie", Matthew Vaughn's "Layer Cake", and the awesomely underrated show "Keen Eddie". And who was in her, again? Oh yes, Jude Law. Can she get anything but scale despite her tabloid-friendly wild romance with Mr. Law?

Colin Farrell. . .yeah, he's Irish. But I know you want to talk about him. Even more than that, I know you want a picture of him. So here's my take on Colin: yeah, he's quite disturbing in some respects (trying to lay anyone over the age of 70 is just. . . too much) but I do think he's a reasonably talented actor. For proof, try "A Home at the End of the World" based on Michael Cunningham's adamantly good book. He has the most expressive eyebrows since at least Peter Gallagher-- that's gotta count for something, right? But with his lack of big box office hits, is Colin really a $20 mil A-lister?

The artist formerly known as Posh Spice has become one half of Britain's It Couple, and now Victoria Beckham is rumored to be pursuing a film career. My unsolicited advice to her: take smaller, indie roles until you've got a little film credibility before wandering off into highly-profitable romantic comedies.


Blogger Annie said...

Loved your guest blog at Tiff's!

12:54 PM

Blogger london cokehead said...

Dear Posh Spice ,
Please , please , give it up mate . We ( The British Public ) , are sooo sick of your face that it's just not on . And now films , have a word with yourself kidda , you couldn't act your way out of a Chipshop on a Friday night .

Padlock the studio gates in Hollywoodland , and say ( altogether now ) .. " Sod off home luv , were not in , we've all gone for lunch , for a very long time , and won't be back till 2050 !! "

No love !! , just sit , at home , with the kids , and watch your boyfriends bank balance go up on the internet ...

Thanks ...

The BP ...

2:25 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kate Beckinsale is a conceited whore. I deign not to comment.
Jonathan Rhys Meyers: Watch "Titus"-- this kid has Dean's danger and already a more impressive resume. Give him what he wants. And be careful how you use him.
Orlando Bloom: If you're not getting at least $10 mil/picture at this point, you better hope when you get to CAA that they can up your price.
Sienna Miller: poor dear, hold out for $2.5 mil or points for that inevitable romantic comedy
Colin: I'd wait until I see the sex tape. At this point, only $5 mil, maybe a bit more.
Mrs.Becks: scale until you prove you're not box office kryptonite.

6:39 PM

Blogger Michael K said...

Atlas, that's good advice for Posh. I think she'd be good for TV though. She should totally be on Footballers Wives playing herself! She'd never do it. She's a smart business woman, but not the best talent.

6:27 AM

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