Battle of the Jessicas: 3.08
Today's post, appropriate for a Saturday and slightly inspired by yesterday's Cameron/Angelina action, heads into that most hallowed of territory-- the one-name superstar. And I'm not just talking Madonna, Cher, or Britney. I'm talking Angelina, Cameron, Brad, Lindsay, Colin or Paris status.
To wit, what's in a name? In Hollywood, quite a lot. A lot of money/fame/power at stake. There's a battle going on to see who's going to be THE Jessica. It's between the two most popular Jessicas on the market.
Jessica Simpson Vs. Jessica Alba: Battle of the T&A actresses
"Jessica Alba" Google Image Search [without SafeSearch enabled]: 150,000
"Jessica Simpson" Google Image Search [without SafeSearch enabled]: 58,500
With strict SafeSearch, Alba: 65,900
With strict SafeSearch, Simpson: 3,280
I'm popular on the internets.
Current IMDB StarMeter rankings: Alba #7, Simpson #8
Overall StarMeter graph higher average: Alba
Look at my acting ability!
Alba's agent: Patrick Whitesell, Endeavor
Simpson's agent: Rob Light, CAA
My agents eat these!
Alba's publicist: Bragman/Nyman/Cafarelli
Simpson's publicist: Bragman/Nyman/Cafarelli
But. . . a recent temp at BNC reports that while on reception duty, there were "way more random calls" for Jessica Alba's publicist than Simpson's. The temp's fave: "Some reporter called and said he was from 'Iceland's Biggest Film Newspaper'."
I don't need to open my mouth.
Alba's age: 24
Simpson's age: 25
See, I'm the Jessica.
Alba: Fantastic Four [good money, bad choice], Sin City [good], Honey [bad]
Simpson: Dukes of Hazzard [bad movie, good role choice], Nick & Jessica Variety Show [bad], Newlyweds [good]
Upcoming Alba: a "thriller" with Paul Walker. Yes, that is an oxymoron. [bad]
Upcoming Simpson: a comedy in which she plays a disinherited heiress who must become a hotel maid. Oh wait, hers is called "Room Service"? That definitely has potential. [good]
Them's Daisy Dukes.
ACTING AWARDS [no, seriously]:
Jessica Alba, one Golden Globe nomination for "Dark Angel"
Jessica Simpson, one Teen Choice award for "Reality/Variety Star"
I know I'll get an Oscar soon.
Alba: None, seemingly-anonymous boyfriend
Simpson: Husband Nick Lachey (B-List, but A-list while married to her], sister: Ashlee Simpson (currently B-List), dad: Joe Simpson (creepy D-list)
I love my on-camera husband.
Advantage: The viewing public
Despite the lack of discernible acting talent, both Jessicas seemed destined to bask in the light of stardom for awhile longer. But for now, the Alba has the edge in the battle of the Jessicas. Of course, for perhaps the first time in the history of war, everybody's a winner.
Proof of God's existence.