You Make the Call: A-List Battle Royale!: 3.06
It took me awhile to do this, but instead of re-tooling the Whisper Price Game to make it more like a barrel of monkeys, I'm launching a NEW GAME! The Whisper Price Game will be back very soon [read: when I run out of better ideas].
And now, it's a new game!
Yes, there's even more fun with assistancy to be had. In the "Assistant/Atlas You Make the Call Game"--so named because this is best the assistants could do in the situation, and they're the ones on the phone having these actual conversations. [ed. note- that's a working title]
Here's the scenario*:
You've got a movie that's shooting in about six months. It's an indie thriller/actioner/drama with the potential for highly-global marketability and YOU, AN INDIE MOGUL, have it independently-financed well-enough that you've attracted some potential stars. Of course, since you're an indie company, you just now got your financing in place, so there's less actor choice-- a lot of stars already have projects lined up for six months [or even two years] from now. Some tantalizingly good ones don't, as you'll see below.
So your job is to decide between these A-Listers who are available for the shoot: TBD on location, but somewhere subsidized. Your very awesome assistant has gotten you the cream of the crop. After all, these are A-listers that are biting at indies, for various reasons. So whaddaya think,
*based on semi-fudged actual accounts!
"The Lead" NICHOLAS CAGE VS. HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN VS. JOHN TRAVOLTA
That's Nick Cage.
Agent: CAA. I ain't got nothin' against the guy, he's suitably low-profile but has acting chops and a global audience. He'd be a good choice to helm your company's big movie of the year.
Hi, Hayden Christensen.
Agent: CAA You're an A-lister already? Actually, yes. You've got global clout thanks to Star Wars [despite Ewan McGregor's Island drubbing, which was obviously the fault of finger-pointing fauxteur Michael Bay]. And you happened to be also available at CAA for the indie flick.
Agent: WMA Between you, me and WMA, John Travolta could use the work. The Cult of Hollywood is not a career cure-all. Or even an aid of any kind.
"The Girl" ANGELINA VS. CAMERON
Frankly, you know Cameron. I know you know Angelina. Both are in the $20 million club. Which would you prefer for your apparently-fat offer? I just wanna hear what you say on this one. There will be no agency fighting here, though, both are CAA biyotches.
May I humbly suggest a camo bikini jello-wrestling match for the role?
"The Old Man/Mentor" MICHAEL CAINE VS. PATRICK STEWART
Michael Caine Agent: ICM, no last reported salary
Always-venerable [isn't he a knight or some sh*t?] Michael Caine has been invited back for Batman and as a longtime star, does has some global cachet.
Patrick Stewart Agent: WMA, last reported salary: $14 mil.
MENTOR WITH GRAVITAS AVAILABLE, DARN YOU!
Wait, is that right, IMDB Pro? What the heck did Patrick Stewart get $14 million for, X3?
Oh, he got it for one of the Star Trek sequels. Nice.
Because seriously, I was gonna say that that's about how much you'd have to pay me to work for infamous fauxteur Brett Ratner.
Anyway, that's the scenario. Endeavor is led by an Ari, and you're a proud indie mogul, so that's a no-no from the get-go. Paradigm is highly annoying and lame and doesn't have anybody cool anyway. Available A-listers are in short supply elsewhere and Gersh's supply was kinda laughable: Rachel Leigh Cook and Skeet Ulrich. [ed. note- are you f*cking kidding me?] And nobody else has available global A-listers.
So the future of the company and this film is up to you. Or will you say, "Screw it. Get me Gilbert Gottfried on the phone."
What will you tell your assistant when you tell him/her to make the call? Comment phones are standing by.
PLEASE NOTE: Word verification will now be required to prevent spammers, but hopefully, not anonymous commentators. If you really need something, you can spam email@example.com I could always use some more herbal Viagra.