Clawing to escape the belly of the beast here in Hollywood. To commiserate, email my name assistantatlas at yahoo.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

"Prison" Breaks My Eyeballs: 3.13

The roomie and I just watched Fox's new show "Prison Break". You can't have missed the ads: a pretty boy goes to prison to help his brother escape. It wasn't an irredeemably bad premise [see the WB's "Just Legal" for that], but this show has some major problems.

I'll quote the roomie for the first problem: "If someone that pretty [Wentworth Miller] went to prison, he'd be, like, gang-raped the entire time." Now, weird homoeroticism aside, that's quite true. Also, how someone who looks like that ended up a 'structural engineer' is a bit of a stretch as well. Plus, did anyone catch the scene in the infirmary where he pretends to have diabetes? The guy resorts to extraordinary measures to free his brother, and he can't manage to NOT grin like the village idiot when his ruse works.

I will give this to Wentworth Miller-- he's not a bad actor. In fact, he gets props since I didn't realize he was British until I looked him up on IMDB. But if the lead actor can handle the part, that's good, right? Well, yeah. But there are tons of other ways to screw up a show. You can write cliche dialogue [check], re-hash old ideas--badly [check], or establish a coterie of one-dimensional supporting characters [check].

But I've pretty much decided what the main problem is. To wit:

Brett Ratner. WORST. DIRECTOR. EVER.

Seriously, Brett, what was up with all that CSI sh*t? By 'CSI sh*t', I mean where the camera 'dives' into whatever important object is nearby to end the scene. You know, as opposed to doing what's known in the business as a 'transition'.

My God, Brett, you are just a horrendous director. There were scenes that just seemed randomly inserted into the story, scenes where I felt like I was supposed to have just figured something out, but didn't. Brett, you don't need to 'establish' that we're at a friggin' prison every twenty seconds. Of course, you may have forgotten in your Vicodin/pot/cocaine haze, but the show's title pretty much reminds us if we forget. And lens-f*cking Wentworth Miller doesn't solve your problems. [seriously, do you want me to admit I'M attracted to him? Because if it means that we'd have gotten less close-ups of him, I totally would]

So, Brett, please, for the love of cinema and all that is holy, stop directing. You've already ruined a mildly-promising show and when X3 hits theatres, you'll have ruined a strong franchise that Ho'wood could really use to stem the tide of box office drain.

Verdict: Overall, Prison Break is a POS. The concept is strong enough to last maybe a season. Hopefully, Fox will pull the plug before that. Don't waste your time on this show-- save it for Veronica Mars. [see below]

7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

i'm inclined to agree. i liked the premise and concept, but thought the execution was insanely sloppy. i only saw the pilot, not last nights airing...but what i saw didn't grip me at all.

go pirates.

10:06 AM

 
Blogger AnthonyDe said...

I think you're review was too kind. First how does he manage to get into the same prison as his brother? The prison Dr. is the Governor's daughter? Gee you think when it comes time for a pardon that won't come into play? Not too contrived. I like how he needs a bolt to make an allen wrench and then loses the bolt to another prisoner. Luckily enough the prisoner's bitch attacks him in a prison riot with the very bolt he needs?!

1:21 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The first half seemed better than the second half, but I think I'll give the show a chance. It seems better than most things on TV these days, with a few exceptions (Veronica Mars, anyone?)

3:45 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ladies and Gentlemen,
Brett Ratner: the WORST DIRECTOR EVER! This guy made horse sh1t like Prison Break, Rush Hour 1, 2, and 3! (She's filming it and is coming out on DVD in the near future), the disappointing X-Men 3: Last Stand, and some other movies not worth mentioning.
I'll briefly sum-up my take on X-Men 3: Last Stand. Let me get this right? You know the scene where Cyclops comes out of his room and runs into Wolverine and then starts actin like a little b1tch "not everyone heals as fast as you, Logan" (reflects WHO the director IS...) so he takes off on his motorcycle to the lake. HHMMM? Ok, then he gets to the lake, throws a little temper tantrum (also reflects on the director) and starts blasting some lake water and out comes Jean Gray... WTF?!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!BRETT RATNER IS HOT GARBAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4:13 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ive just read what u lot have said and OMG its only a friggin` programme,get a grip!! if u dont like it dont watch it!,anyway Prison Break can be a little far fetched at times but i think it`s a good show,not only does Wentworth deserve a clap but so does the rest of the cast.

12:02 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To be hoenst im inclined to say most of you are buch of idiots. I Happen to like this show. Yes sometimes it does seem a little farfetched at times but so what! Regarding being "gangraped all the time" have you actually ever been to prison i'm guessing not. Oh and why couldnt he be a structual engineer it's not that hard to believe and extremely possible.

6:01 PM

 
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7:06 PM

 

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