Clawing to escape the belly of the beast here in Hollywood. To commiserate, email my name assistantatlas at yahoo.

Friday, April 21, 2006

The Gay Valet Report: 4.43

Friday's always a nice day for a bit of celebrity gossip, isn't it? A friend of mine, whom I've dubbed the Gay Valet, recently worked a party attended by a handful of celebs. Here's what he had to report.

...Let's start with gay icon Debra Messing. First of all, she's still driving the Porsche Boxster that she got from the first season of Will & Grace. (yeah, they gave 'em all Boxsters when the show was popular) She looked okay-- a ton of make-up-- and was reasonably pleasant. However, biyotch didn't tip. Therefore, she has been downgraded to 'notable gay-friendly personage' in my estimation.

Next up is Angie Harmon. Girl looks good, if a little plain. If she'd taken maybe a fourth of Debra's make-up, she would've looked ravishing. However, IMDB says she spoke at the Republican National Convention, with football husband Jason Sehorn. So screw her- I didn't like her anyway. And who the hell watches Law & Order anymore? Although, in fairness, I heard she tipped decently, which is very un-Republican of her.

I saved the best for last: Mia Maestro. I remembered her from "Alias", but Atlas says she's been in a ton of good Spanish movies, too. She drove this cute little Mini-Cooper-type car I'd never seen before. When I asked her about, she responded good-naturedly, 'Oh you like it? I do, too- isn't it sporty?'. Like she was really excited about the fact she had a sporty little car. Let me just say: CUTE. She also asked if I knew how to drive a stickshift, which was sweet. (although, everyone, please take note: all valets can drive sticks, it's like the one requirement to be a valet)

Also, she looked friggin' amazing. I thought she was pretty on "Alias", but day-um, girl got it goin' on. And when Ms. Maestro emerged from the party, she was smiling and pleasant and remembered me from before. And when I brought her car up, she tipped me a ten-spot, thanked me like I was an actual human being, and flashed a smile.

Oh, Mia Maestro-- you had me at 'sporty'.

Mia Maestro: proving that foreign-born celebrities are better than American ones.

Just a quick tipping guide for celebrities and notable rich people:
no tip says: "I am a ginormous a--hole."
$1-2 says: "I'm a huge cheapskate."
$5 tip says: "Thank you for your services. I appreciate them."
$10 tip says: "You're awesome. And I'm awesome."
$20 tip says: "I'm trying hard to impress you-- or my date-- but hey, I just gave you $20 bucks to park my car, so obviously you can't complain."

And this concludes the first report by the Gay Valet.



Anonymous "the_gay_valet" said...

Atlas! I'm writing my own material next time-- you paraphrase me badly.

And for the record, Angie Harmon was super, super nice. Even if she is totally white trash.

6:08 PM

Anonymous Tiffany said...

BTW: I liked this report.

Gay Valet--writers have to spice things up.

1:05 PM

Blogger RTMS said...

Mia Maestro is hot! I love her, and she sounds like a very nice young woman.

8:41 AM

Anonymous Rob said...

Simple but admirable content. Wonderful posts! Great stuff, just great!

6:34 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I work in xlpharmacy and there's a friend.... that always is talking about celebrities gossip... like if i care about it, i guess it will be ok if you are a journalist and do that for living but someone that is not getting anything for talking about them.... get a life.

7:21 AM


Post a Comment

<< Home