Clawing to escape the belly of the beast here in Hollywood. To commiserate, email my name assistantatlas at yahoo.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Everyone Needs a Chloe: 4.42

As my longtime readers know, corporate idiocy is a favorite subject of mine. I daresay it's a big part of my raison d'etre.
Corporate idiocy hurt the WB.
It hurts GE.
It's hurting the Travel Channel.
It may hurt Nickelodeon.

As you can see just from the four named above, corporate idiocy comes in many forms. Sometimes, it's subtle, like dress codes and inflexible work hours. Sometimes, it's obvious, like fudged-up decisions and a misguided strategy. But sometimes, if you're really unlucky (like I seem to be), it's sheer lunacy.

Allow me to elaborate. You see, in my time as the Internet's Hollywood assistant blogebrity, I've learned a thing or two about the Internet. And I know when it's being under-utilized. And that's pretty much right now. But in my little corner of the business, our online strategy is decidedly lacking. In fact, it's hemorrhaging money and resources and attracting far fewer eyeballs than it should.

I can't get into the exact politics of it, obviously, because that could get my lilywhitea$$ exposed. And right now, that's not the plan. Not that I have a plan, per se, but I'm pretty sure that would be bad.

Anyway, it got me thinking...what should every New Media-savvy company have? I think I've discovered the answer.

Everyone needs a Chloe.

Seriously, spring for someone on staff who knows everything about everything technology. They can be young and cheap, but they've still got to be brilliant-- they'll cost about two or three times as much as a regular, horrendously underpaid employee. But trust me, they'll be worth it.

Now, this is totally ineffective if the Chloe doesn't have effective control of the websites and company technology. But if she does, having your techie right in the office means your New Media company can move fast-- very fast. And the need for speed is undeniable in the lightning-fast InfoAge.

Of course, bosses, you'll need an Atlas or two around to write stuff, help out, maybe direct them, but seriously, that's who you need. I'm solved your problems, executives. BAM!

I guess the real problem is I can't exactly pull a Sloane-style smackdown on the Big Boss and be all, "Yo, I'm Assistant/Atlas, so let me run your entire New Media strategy."

Or I could, I guess. But I think it totally wouldn't work. Corporations suck.



Blogger Grubber said...

If you do have the one girl/boy/hybrid wundercomputergeekkid to run everything, just make sure of one thing.

You have a copy of every password somewhere, just for when they get drunk and walk in front of a car! :)

3:56 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh man! Like what happened to Paula (aka- Darlene from Roseanne) in season two of 24! 24 is the!!!

11:49 PM


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