Clawing to escape the belly of the beast here in Hollywood. To commiserate, email my name assistantatlas at yahoo.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Fighting The Man With a New Haircut: 5.06

Deciding that I needed more ammo in my fight against the Kens of the world, I decided to pay a visit to the most hardcore haircuttery in my 'hood.

"So man, what can I do for you today?" asks the vaguely skateboard/stonerish/surfer guy.

"Well, um, see I have this job and..." I trail off, thinking about what I want. I decide: "I need a haircut that makes me look like I eat babies in the boardroom."

Vaguely Stonerish Barber seems surprised: "Like you eat babies in the boardroom?"

"Um, yeah," I say, "I need you to make me look like a corporate drone."

"Okay," he laughs, "any particular reason for the change?"

"I guess I think people will take me more seriously." Being a barber, he doesn't challenge my assertion. Being a Ho'wooder, I know that this, sadly, is ridiculously true. We didn't hire someone once because one of my bosses felt this guy didn't have enough separation between his eyebrows. As if people can tell over the phone if an assistant has a monobrow.

Still, if I'm going to impersonate a corporate drone, I've got to look the part, right? Anyway, during the cut, I gave Stonerish Barber some insight into my job.

But the best part was when I left. I stopped in the entryway to put on my sunglasses and iPod and overheard the conversation between my barber for the day and the Punk Counter Girl. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but hey, when someone's talking about you, you tend to listen.

Stonerish Barber: "That guy was pretty cool."
Punk Counter Girl: "Oh yeah?"
Stonerish Barber: "Yeah, it's like his job to tell corporate people what to do."
Punk Counter Girl: "What do you mean?"
Stonerish Barber: "Well, like, he basically has to tell the like idiot corporate people how to do their job."
Punk Counter Girl: "Seriously? He looks like he's like 19. I almost asked for his ID.** And he's telling corporations what to do?"
Stonerish Barber: "I know, right? Hollywood's fuggin' crazy."

Yes, my friends, Hollywood is crazy. But I'm riding this Crazy Train until it pulls into Fat Cash Station...or you know, until it gets derailed and we all die.

**If you have to wait at Old Glory Barbershop, Punk Counter Girl will offer you a Red Stripe beer. How sweet is that?

You'd entrust a media strategy to this hair, right?



Blogger Nyssa23 said...

Hey, but you didn't say if you liked the cut.

If you find an example somewhere of this boardroom-baby-eating hairstyle, please post a picture. I'd love to know what that would look like.

8:55 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, what nyssa23 said - did you actually like the cut?

3:14 AM

Blogger Assistant Atlas said...

Um, thanks for the interest. But I feel like this is like that Buffy episode where she got turned all invisible by the Super Nerds after she got a haircut and she tries to describe what it looks like: "Um, it's down to like, here." [indicates with invisible hand]
Anya: "Oh, it sounds cute!"

So, in a word: short. It's kinda like in the picture I've got up there. But yeah, I like it. Everyone at work was like "Ooohh, nice haircut." Someone also told me it made me look taller. How that works, I'm not sure. But I took it as a good sign.

8:03 PM

Blogger Sal said...

the right haircut works wonders, if it makes you feel like you can work wonders now you look like that. Hope your haircut rules!

4:03 PM

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I have a long hair and I want to change my haircut and the man on the photo looks with a nice one, I am going to hairdresser and I will change.

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Blogger Michael Steven said...

A hairstyle, hairdo, or haircut refers to the styling of hair, usually on the human head. The fashioning of hair can be considered an aspect of personal grooming, fashion, and cosmetics, although practical, cultural, and popular considerations also influence some hairstyles.

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