Clawing to escape the belly of the beast here in Hollywood. To commiserate, email my name assistantatlas at yahoo.

Friday, July 07, 2006

It Just Takes One Bad Day: 5.11

One bad day can ruin everything. I know I seem to have been doing pretty well lately, jetsetting around, enjoying a decent job that heretofore had been eroding my sanity only very slowly, and gettin' laid.

But it takes just one bad day to make me so phenomenally unhappy/angry/frustrated that I pretty much freak out.

And by 'freak out', I mean that I went to the bathroom after a horrendous meeting, checked to make sure there wasn't anyone in the stalls, and started punching the stall walls. I punched until I wept from pain and frustration, clutching my bruised hands and arm, slumping down next to the toilet. Even laying my head against the metal flushing appartus as the tears streamed down.

Why should one day be able to bring it all crashing down? Months, if not years, of hard work. Why can it all be thrown into question by a single day?

And why do I feel so horribly trapped? The American unemployment rate is under 6%, and probably less for college-educated white males, but I'm a little too worn out to do the numbers. . . but it's gotta be low. Employers should kill for my skills. . . and my productivity level relative to my pay. I mean, I can compete in America today, right? But if that's true, then why I do feel so scared to quit and try to find a new job?

Because seriously, if I stay at my current one, thanks to downsizing, I'm looking at about a third more work. Which is insane, because I've been begging for help and telling them there just isn't more time in the day. If there was, I'd be Stephen Hawking's assistant. Or maybe the Lone Ranger's. . . you never know in Hollywood.

Hi-ho Silver, away!

So if my job is causing me to cause violence to myself, why don't I just up and quit? Well, here are the reasons:

1) I may be a masochist. Maybe I like being abused.
2) I may have very low self-esteem. Anyone who reads this blog probably agrees I'm egomaniacal.
3) I may not be that talented. Anyone who reads this blog could easily agree.
4) I may not be treated better elsewhere. What if I get an even more sanity-draining job?
5) I may not get another good job ever. Oh sure, everyone tells me I'm talented while I'm employed, but the second I'm not? Pssssh.
6) I dunno. I don't. Freakin'. Know. Happy now?
7) Why? I'll tell you why...

Because my consolation is also my main source of anxiety: The knowledge that tomorrow is a whole new day.

Yeah, suck on them deep thoughts.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, seriously, you are so random.

And it's awesome.

Also, keep your chin up. Or try to, at least.

1:14 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

God, do I know that feeling. Moving along, super-efficient, and then bam - something breaks and it's just demeanment and despair.

... I work a similar job, and the longer I'm here, the more I agree w/ the 16th century frenchman who said that, "Life at Court does not satisfy, but it renders a [wo]man incapable of being satisfied by anything else". In short, we stay because, as insane as this industry is, there's nothing else like it. For better, and for worse.

6:45 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like one of your last lines best: "The knowledge that tomorrow is a whole new day."

Keep your chin up ;)

7:07 AM

Blogger Scribe LA said...

Just take a deep breath, think nice thoughts, and think about what you will do when you rule the world. Think about how you will treat people, how you will lead the little people to great things, and how all the while you'll be stuffing your bank account, free flowing your creativity, and the heat emanating from your love, ahem, sex life.
Cheers! Now go have a, excuse me, many drinks... and sleep it off, big guy.

9:38 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hear there's a job opening in endeavor's mailroom...

- Allen

11:25 AM

Blogger Gigi said...

And I thought I was having a bad day- you win!

11:26 AM

Blogger Assistant Atlas said...

Scribe LA: I actually followed your advice. Of course, I hadn't read it at the time, but I did drink a lot of beer and just tried to let it slide off my back in an avalanche of alcohol.

Also, thanks to everyone who appreciated what I felt was a relatively well-written post. See what happens when I edit?

And Anon@6:45AM, that is an absolutely awesome quote and has vaulted into my list of favorites. Thank you.

9:44 PM

Blogger Sal said...

anon#2, classic quote!
Atlas, you're definitely not talentless; your blog is funny, sharp, and a regular calling-in point! Hope a few beers got you beyond a bad day, and that it picks up from now on.

1:32 PM

Blogger Philip Morton said...

My job out of college was working at a major television show, at the lowest rung of the ladder and being treated like crap by the producer, daily for three years. How did I survive? I partied every weekend until I couldn't remember my name, and wrote scripts in every crack during the week day and night. And I sold them and came out here. Chin up dude, don't let the turkey's get you down. You can write your own ending and still have the last laugh.
Phil Morton

7:16 PM


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