It Just Takes One Bad Day: 5.11
One bad day can ruin everything. I know I seem to have been doing pretty well lately, jetsetting around, enjoying a decent job that heretofore had been eroding my sanity only very slowly, and gettin' laid.
But it takes just one bad day to make me so phenomenally unhappy/angry/frustrated that I pretty much freak out.
And by 'freak out', I mean that I went to the bathroom after a horrendous meeting, checked to make sure there wasn't anyone in the stalls, and started punching the stall walls. I punched until I wept from pain and frustration, clutching my bruised hands and arm, slumping down next to the toilet. Even laying my head against the metal flushing appartus as the tears streamed down.
Why should one day be able to bring it all crashing down? Months, if not years, of hard work. Why can it all be thrown into question by a single day?
And why do I feel so horribly trapped? The American unemployment rate is under 6%, and probably less for college-educated white males, but I'm a little too worn out to do the numbers. . . but it's gotta be low. Employers should kill for my skills. . . and my productivity level relative to my pay. I mean, I can compete in America today, right? But if that's true, then why I do feel so scared to quit and try to find a new job?
Because seriously, if I stay at my current one, thanks to downsizing, I'm looking at about a third more work. Which is insane, because I've been begging for help and telling them there just isn't more time in the day. If there was, I'd be Stephen Hawking's assistant. Or maybe the Lone Ranger's. . . you never know in Hollywood.
Hi-ho Silver, away!
So if my job is causing me to cause violence to myself, why don't I just up and quit? Well, here are the reasons:
1) I may be a masochist. Maybe I like being abused.
2) I may have very low self-esteem. Anyone who reads this blog probably agrees I'm egomaniacal.
3) I may not be that talented. Anyone who reads this blog could easily agree.
4) I may not be treated better elsewhere. What if I get an even more sanity-draining job?
5) I may not get another good job ever. Oh sure, everyone tells me I'm talented while I'm employed, but the second I'm not? Pssssh.
6) I dunno. I don't. Freakin'. Know. Happy now?
7) Why? I'll tell you why...
Because my consolation is also my main source of anxiety: The knowledge that tomorrow is a whole new day.
Yeah, suck on them deep thoughts.
TECHNORATI TAGS: Howl, Bad Day, Work, Culture, Business, Deep Thoughts