Clawing to escape the belly of the beast here in Hollywood. To commiserate, email my name assistantatlas at yahoo.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Death Creates Insanity: 5.24

Please excuse my writing if it's not up to the daunting task of explaining how I feel right now. I'm too exhausted to do that. If you don't know what I'm talking about, read 5.23 "Melba In Memoriam" below to catch up.

But when someone dies, especially a friend who is but 25, it throws entire lives, even communities, into turmoil.

And I don't know about anyone else's community these days, but mine is pretty far-flung, spread coast to coast almost.

It's mildly dysfunctional and it's definitely strange. For all the woe about the white, all-American nuclear family from Kansas, we're doing pretty alright. It's everything else that's getting messed up.

And I don't know what to do about it. What do you do? Who do you call? What do you say?

Death also creates insanity in other ways-- in the simplest of ways. Like when an acquaintance or co-worker innocently asks: "Hey, how's it going?"

And it's not going fine. My day is not fine at all. In fact, it's very, very bad. But no one wants to hear that. They want to hear: "Fine, thank you. And you?" or something to that effect.

It's not that they're not sympathetic. It's just that they generally don't care very much. They don't need to hear that one of your friends just died and that you're in mourning. Especially in LA, and especially in the entertainment biz.

Maybe we as a society need a new casual greeting or something, but it's been rough just keeping it together these last few days. And the industry already does a good job of boosting my insanity level, so let's hope I don't turn into a complete Weinstein.



Blogger writergurl said...

Not to make light of your situation but you could always say "Amazing!" when someone asks how you are... of course they're not going to ask, and you're not going to explain that you mean "amazingly bad."

Hope that helps some.

I know this feels horrid, and seems to be neverending but over time, this will pass. Not that you will ever forget your friend or stop loving her, jsut that the weight of this constant greif will wane.

Take care of yourself, I''m sure your friend would want you to.

4:52 PM

Blogger Nyssa23 said...

This might seem weird, but...have you considered wearing an outward sign of mourning, such as a black armband or (based on a Jewish custom) a small piece of torn black ribbon pinned to your clothes?

Guaranteed, nobody will try any "Hey, how's it going?" b.s. on you once they've laid eyes on that. Might at least give you a little space from any unwanted social interaction.

11:22 PM


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