Clawing to escape the belly of the beast here in Hollywood. To commiserate, email my name assistantatlas at yahoo.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Here's How to Win Me Back, Mad Max: 5.21

Everyone and their mothers, and I know my mother has been reading with interest, has heard about Mel Gibson's sexist/anti-Semitic rant by now.

I was indeed shocked by both the pure hatred and the wide-ranging bigotry of Mel's verbal assualt. Having had my doubts about Passion Gibson, if not before, I wasn't too shocked to see that, of all Ho'wood's stars, this stupidity was coming from him. Now, as a raging leftist, normally I don't offer up advice to anti-Semitic right-wing bastards, but I want to see this thing resolved for the good of the country.

So here's what you've gotta do, Mel, to win me (and my mom, and the Moms of America) back, and you'll be relieved to know that it's fairly straightforward:

You have to get your even-more-anti-Semitic Dad to go to the Holocaust Museum. With you. And cameras. And Katie Couric.

By the way, just in case you're thinking about letting that above link to the Holocaust Museum pass you by, let me just say this: there is a 2003 photo journal with accompanying audio commentary by my favorite UN Goodwill Ambassador, Angelina Jolie.

If there weren't all those dying Africans about, it'd be really, really sexy.

Okay, look, I get to make a genocide joke because I have never expressed anything but love and admiration for the Jews. And women and the gays for that matter. You've lost all those rights, Mel.

Now, I know what you're thinking, Mel.
"Screw 'em, I don't need 'em. I'm a superstar multimillionaire."

Sorry, Mel, but you've got to get me back. You don't have all that many projects lined up for the future. You'll need a near-superheroic effort from various assistants to not destroy all of your box office appeal. And speaking of box office appeal, you've also got to get the soccer-moms-who-think-you're-cute back. Which is what Katie Couric being there is for.

Now, Mel, I know you probably don't need the money. But I know you want to remain relevant, and not have your career effectively end on such a sour note. The only way out I see to repair the damage is to advance the cause of Jews by at least as much as you've set it back. And finally making your Dad see that the Holocaust did happen-- and getting him to admit as much to Katie Couric-- would be a big step in the right direction.

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7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wouldn't hold my breath.

- Allen

9:55 AM

 
Blogger Sal said...

totaly agree with your post, but like anon said, we shouldn't hold our breath

2:46 PM

 
Blogger writergurl said...

The guy's an idiot. I got off the "Mel is great" bandwagon after his homophobic remarks ina Spanish magain back in 1992.

Never saw "Passion" and never will. Also ain't going to "Apacolypto".

Everyone deserves a second chance... he's had it. This is his 2ND DUI, and the second time he's said stupid shit about a group that's (historically) been margainalized. I don't care what he does, or how many "aplogies" he issues. I'm gone.

4:37 PM

 
Blogger Mellanumi said...

Wow. Gibson really made a boo-boo. I should've never dared him to chase that "adios muthaf**ker" with a sake bomb. I can't think of anything more anti-semitic than him right now. Wait, yes, I can--the media. Funny how everyone's silent on their clearly one-sided coverage of the middle-east crisis. At least Gibson was drunk...

To gain my respect back, Lethal Weapon IV (Intravenous) has to involve Riggs saving Synogogues from radical Islamist terrorists who have united with Christians on the grounds that the Jews killed Christ, and if Christ were never crucified, there would have never been any Christians--which to the Muslim terrorists are nearly as bad as the Jews. Riggs succeeds in putting down the terrorists, and burning every copy of "The Passion" that exists.

Fin.

12:40 AM

 
Blogger queenofattolia said...

Ever heard the expression "When pigs fly?" Yeah. They'll be streaking across the sky the day Mel and his daddy show up at the Holocaust Museum. They're both fucktards.

1:14 AM

 
Blogger Mellanumi said...

Wait, there already is a Lethal Weapon IV--my bad.

3:08 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No, you get to make a genocide joke when you have personally contributed to its demise; otherwise, you're just another dumbfuck asshole.

10:09 PM

 

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