Clawing to escape the belly of the beast here in Hollywood. To commiserate, email my name assistantatlas at yahoo.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Youth As a Weapon in Hollywood: 5.14

As an assistant, you've got to find your allies where you can-- whether they're famous siblings like Johnny Drama, or an abstract concept that acts to sap your opponents' self-esteem. Namely, time.

I look young, even for my young age, but today I (almost and seemingly) unwittingly delivered these bon mots in regards to The Company's New Media activities:

"Look. At this point, we're just catching up to the kids on MySpace."

And we are. And Hollywood seriously needs to. And it needs to hurry. Every day it dallies, I get one day closer to bolting out of here and just doing a web show from my parents' basement. In Kansas. Kansas, people. . . it's that bad.

Because I'm sick to death of all this hoop-jumping. And I have been for what. . . well, more than fifteen months now, anyway.

That's why I've resorted to tapping people's deepest fears-- two of which have gotta be aging and death.

So remember, kids, whenever someone feels old in Ho'wood, they're one step closer of being out of the game. So brag about the fact you can't remember a time when personal computers didn't exist. And use words that sound like everyone should already know exactly what they mean. Like build-outs. Plug-ins. That sort of thing.

Dearest Lord in Heaven,

Thanks for letting me live in the Information Age.

Oh, and. . . God, please kill off all my enemies so I can take over and do things how I want. Thanks!

Totally Yours Truly,


PS: I am so unbelievably effin' stoked that Dude.Man.Phat. is back.
Viva el DudeMan!
I'm Felix from Veronica Mars and I wanna know, is Atlas evil?

PPS: Feel free to discuss if I'm turning irredeemably evil. Snide comments appreciated.


Blogger Grubber said...

Their's a difference between frustrated and evil. Bit like the difference between being married and single.

You figure out which corresponds to which, my wife might track me down and read this.
PS if you run the webshow from Kansas will you call it

4:26 AM

Blogger Nyssa23 said...

Hmm. I don't know if it's evil per se, but you should be aware that if you stick around long enough, someone will pull the same thing on you one day. Like, when you reach the advanced age of 35 or so (which I believe is about 70 in Hollywood years.)

Just be mindful of your karma, I guess. And good luck with everything else.

8:00 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Screw them, Atlas. The only reason they're there is because they're old. I say, make 'em feel it.

8:29 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't listen to Nyssa, Atlas. You'll be young forever. Promise.

5:45 PM


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