Reality Writers Are People, Too: 3.48

In a maneuver pulled straight from the reality tv playbook, a reality writer stormed the stage to angrily confront her brutal corporate overlords/transgendered midget whores.

Now, many of you may be asking-- Atlas, what exactly is a 'reality writer'? Doesn't reality tend to just kinda write itself? And did you just call Peter Ligouri a transgendered midget whore?

To you I say, oh my precious reader, how naive you are. Not to get all professor-y on you, but reality is a construct, and nowhere is that more true that on television.

Did I lose you? It's actually simple. . .

You know those 'interview' segments on shows like "The Amazing Race" and "Survivor" where a contestant raps to the camera about what he/she is thinking? Just off-camera is a reality writer, coaxing the interviewee into discussing something either related to the show or vaguely dramatic. And if you've ever watched one of these shows, I'd say it's amazing they get most of these people to say something coherent, let alone related to the show or vaguely dramatic.

But since labor laws are glacier-slow compared to the rapidly-evolving entertainment industry, reality writers didn't get included under the WGA's protective claws. Hands, protective hands! I'm not a traitor, I swear.

Anyhoo, reality writers won't stop storming press conferences until the following demands are met:
1) More $crilla, biyotches!
2) All reality shows must have no more than 20% of their contestants from the South.
3) Mark Burnett is allowed to break no more than one thumb and two fingers per season.

See, that's pretty reasonable, right? Remember, networks, if demands are not met, reality writers could strike. Which means that reality shows could become even more boringly predictable than they already are.