Clawing to escape the belly of the beast here in Hollywood. To commiserate, email my name assistantatlas at yahoo.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

The Suicidal Squirrels of Mulholland: 4.06

On nights when I stay over at Famke's (read: as often as possible), my commute becomes a wonderful Shangri-La of open roads and little traffic, mostly thanks to Mulholland Blvd. But this week, something went wrong. This week, the squirrels who live near Mulholland became suicidal.

I'd seen them before, these squirrels of Mulholland. Previously, they'd been just like every other squirrel, dashing out of the way of oncoming cars. But this week, the squirrels have decided to run back and forth in my lane, to my great consternation and tire squealage.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, SQUIRRELS?

Can't you see I'm commuting here? I mean, really, aren't there easier ways for the squirrels to kill themselves? Couldn't they just jump off a really high tree or something? Heck, there are even friggin' cliffs nearby. Big, romantic, hurl-yourself-to-your-death type of cliffs.

Maybe if I was more evil, I'd just run the stupid things over. I know that's what SUV People do, and there have been a few squirrel carcasses. So perhaps the death wish of these squirrels.

But what could've set them off? A shortage of nuts? I guess death by tire is preferable to death by starvation. Really, what kind of problems could squirrels have that could cause them to be suicidal?

Or, I guess they could just be really dumb.

In completely unrelated news, check out The Artful Writer. Craig Mazin has written a post that makes me go "Hell Yeah!" Seriously, it's about whether it's harder to write or to re-write a script. And as someone who has done both, I absolutely love his conclusion. Also, his comments section on this is a novel unto itself. Enjoy.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, them squirrlz is crazy! I usually run over in self-defense.

10:20 PM

 
Anonymous Abby said...

The squirrels at Washington Park get chased out into the road by the crows. Those crows will then pick at the squished remains. Sort of cool to watch in a morbid sort of way.

I'm just glad that my cat hasn't caught any squirrels, yet. I ran over a dead robin that he caught and left as a present for me. *eugh*

7:02 PM

 

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