Clawing to escape the belly of the beast here in Hollywood. To commiserate, email my name assistantatlas at yahoo.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

My Very First Business Trip: 4.29

That's right, this weekend was/is my very first official business trip, assisting the big boss in place of her normal assistant. Now, many of you may remember that I'm no longer officially an assistant, even if I'll remain one in my heart (and likely, many of my actual duties) for a long time to come.

But finally, finally, I'm getting some perks. As I write this, I'm looking out over a flawlessly-manicured lawn to the water, tapping away on my balcony with my free Wifi. And my hotel room itself? Let me put it this way: my hotel room, which I have to myself, has two bathrooms.

TWO BATHROOMS! What on earth do I need two bathrooms for? I don't know, but I'm totally crapping in both, just for the fun of it. See, even crapping is fun on a business trip!

All the food is free and spectacular. Last night, I had a steak that was approximately the size of my face. For breakfast, it was all the fresh fruit, museli and cereal I could handle and at lunch, it was fresh seafood pasta. And tonight, we've been promised "something special". Frankly, I don't know how you top a face-sized steak, but hey, I'm game.

And then there's the gym, which was the nicest gym at a hotel I've ever seen-- and I'm reasonably well-traveled for a 24-year-old. Seriously, I hate gyms, I generally hate working out, but here, it was almost fun. Plus, there's the pools and Jacuzzis. Oh, sweet Jesus, I forgot the shower.

I almost prayed to the shower.

The shower head is about as big as my head and has the most sensitive temperature controls I've ever experienced. There were loofas and washcloths and moisturizer and multiple soaps and bath oils and that was just in the one bathroom I actually used! And they've even got those fuzzy terrycloth robes. Guess what's going home in my suitcase?

Let's see, other perks...oh, free shoeshine. I have shiny shoes now! Free! Well, I tipped $2, but the service was still free, which counts.

And finally, free respect! Everyone here calls me 'sir', or Mr. My-Difficult-to-Pronounce-Last-Name, and asks how they can assist me.
And that, my friends, is the best perk of all.

Of course, it could just be the suit that people are responding to...

UPDATE!: On Tuesday, I'll be recovered enough to fully update you on the wild conclusion to "My Very First Business Trip" that is, by all accounts, almost unparalleled in the history of business travel.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dang, man, you're a lucky dog.

3:55 PM

Anonymous STHLM said...

So now your assistant persona and perspective will slowly and gradually morph to a young executive persona and perspective? And you'll let us along for the ride? It would be real cool..

Also, I once went to Estonia for a business trip. No free respect for me, but they did keep a vodka bottle on ice for the breakfast buffet.

4:59 PM

Anonymous Enrique said...

Welcome to the world of the tag-along-er :D Great, isn't it? Stuff, as mundane as it is, is just better when it's a business expense or a write-off :D

3:11 PM

Anonymous Tiffany said...

nice to see your moving up in the Hollwood food chain, A.A. You totally deserve a room with two toilets. Does it have a nice tub?

7:25 PM

Blogger Assistant Atlas said...

Tiffany, you would've loved the massive array of soaps and moisturizers and bath oils and who knows what else was arrayed around the tub. . .probably more than the tub itself.

Also-- Tiffany, I'm asking you because I was asked this tonight and I'd love to see your response here. But, frankly, I was asked this question and I was flummoxed. And I rarely get that way. So I'll ask you.

What would you do if, God forbid, someone (who had the power to do so) decided to create a remake of "Breakfast at Tiffany's"? Who would you want in the lead role? That's "who would YOU want in the lead role?"

And then, tell me who you think would get picked by the Ho'wood machine.

10:48 PM

Blogger Assistant Atlas said...

Oh and by the way, to everyone else. . . you can feel free to chip in on those questions if you feel like it.

11:12 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

They better not actually remake it. Still, Sarah Michelle Gellar might not completely disappoint me if they actually did.

8:06 PM

Anonymous Tiffany said... one. I can think of a long list of actresses who I don't want to play Holly Golightly. Natalie Portman is the only one I can think of who could possibly pull it off. ButI Definitely do not want for anyone to remake BAT.

PS I look forward to reading part 2 of your business trip

12:52 PM

Anonymous Tiffany said...

OMG!! I must have blocked out what anonymous suggested. Sarah Michelle Gellar? Anonymous is on crack.

12:53 PM


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