Clawing to escape the belly of the beast here in Hollywood. To commiserate, email my name assistantatlas at yahoo.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

The Hallucination Point: 4.47

Today's post deals with something that not only assistants, but nearly everyone is today's modern world, faces. It's called: lack of sleep, and it friggin' sucks.

So I looked up some answers to common sleep-related questions. Don't worry, I used credible sources. Obviously, not Wikipedia. Anyway, look and learn, people.

How much sleep do you need per night?
You should get at least 7-8 hours if you're a 20- or 30-something, perhaps 9-10 if you're one of the unlucky people who need more sleep than others.

And how much sleeplessness must you suffer before you become as impaired as a drunk person?
Wake up at 7am and stay awake until about 2 or 3am. It's cheaper than Cristal.

How little sleep do you have to have before you start seeing things?
From experience, about 40-48 hours, although those could've just been acid flashbacks.

How do you know if you aren't getting enough sleep?
Do you yawn during the day? Find yourself getting sleepy in the middle of the day- it still counts even if you're doing something extremely boring. According to sleep experts, if you're getting tired during the middle of the day, you're sleep deprived.

What if you are getting enough sleep, in theory at least, but you still feel tired?
Uh-oh. You could have any number of conditions, including sleep apnea, which is when you stop breathing while you're asleep, usually due to blocked air passages, and your brain wakes you up to prevent you from dying. It's not good and if you suffer from it, you have to lose weight and stop smoking. Hopefully it'll be one or the other for you because that would difficult to pull off at the same time.

Come on, isn't sleep deprivation good for comedic creativity and some kinds of writing?
Um, jokes that are funny at 3AM aren't usually as funny in the morning. And frankly no, it's not good for you. A fresh, awake brain is pretty much always preferable to a sleepy one.

Can I get STDs from sleep deprivation?
Only if you hallucinate that a Whoreface is someone you'd want to sleep with. Zing!


PS: I wrote this post as a subtle way of showing you, my dear readers, what I go through for you. Hey, man, part of being a patron saint is that you gotta suffer, right? Catholics, is that right? I have no idea, except I think I also have to perform miracles. But that one's totally easy. I work in Hollywood, baby, I make miracles everyday.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

[i]Can I get STDs from sleep deprivation?[/i]

I have often wondered that myself!

12:29 AM

Anonymous Tiffany said...

all that matters is that you're blogging more, so I don't care about how little sleep you get. Seriously..

1:03 PM

Blogger Peggy Archer said...

I'm so there with you on the sleep deprivation thing.

I'm actually glad that it's the off-season now so I can catch up!!

3:17 PM

Blogger Grubber said...

I have sleep apnea and have ended up with one of those CPAP machines...made my life worth living.. truly. But then having children kind of evens it out as sleep deprivation becomes a normal everyday occurence :)
Sleep then blog, not other way around.

7:11 PM

Blogger Systemaddict said...

Often the hallucinations will kick in somewhere between 36-48 hours...most often a hypnagogic-type of hallucination.

It's much like taking Salvia (which i do not in one bit recomment...ever...ever...).

Tests were done on multiple patients this past year to see how low they could bring down their sleep per night, and still be functioning humans. They would sleep 8 hours a night for two weeks, then cut off half an hour. And so on every two weeks...

most bottomed out at 2 hours or 2 1/2 hours...the best results were in at 3 hours.

I'm sure this is useless information...but it gives me hope that at 2-3 hours a night...i'm doing alright.

11:16 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

i feel like something crawling over the ceiling in my house, any movement i take in my house, it happens on and off.

8:23 PM


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