Clawing to escape the belly of the beast here in Hollywood. To commiserate, email my name assistantatlas at yahoo.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

The Dumb Reasons Why You Aren't Getting Hired: 6.11

Recently, we've had to hire a few new people for our growing office, a couple of assistant types, basically. The jobs ain't tough--just your standard coffee-bringer-photocopying-call-rolling jobs--and thanks to the crappy economy and the lure of Hollywood, there were a lot of applicants.

So I was enlisted to try and go through the stacks of resumes, help out with some phone pre-interviews, and offer second opinions. And that's how I got involved in the ethical and moral quandaries of being an employer.

If you've been trying to get a job lately, you might be surprised at some of the crazy reasons that cause resumes to be tossed...

"The girl I just talked to seemed really nice, but..."
"I think she was probably too nice to work here. We need a borderline biatch."

One young woman, in passing, expressed a moral distaste for a college professor sleeping with a student: "She just seems too ethical to work here."

One young man was rejected after a brief phone pre-interview because he had a 'weird' voice. "It wasn't like an accent, it was more like, you sound lame."

Another rejection:
"The Big Boss wouldn't like her."
"She seems like the type of person to stand up for herself."
"Oh yeah, that would be bad."

One applicant was overqualified: "Ugh, that biyatch would get in here and try to steal my job."

Another seemed underqualified: "Who the hell puts their goddam elementary school on their resume?" "Um...a 14-year-old?"

Another outright rejection: "He has tattoos."
"Do you think a guy with tattoos would get along with the Big Boss?"
"Ugh, fine, point taken."

"Toss this in the circular file--this girl's from Florida."
"Sorry, maybe you didn't hear me-- she's from Florida. You know, America's stanky armpit? The only thing out of Florida I would touch with a ten-foot pole is an orange."

"Ha! Look at this--a Fox News intern!" [general merriment as the resume is set on fire and the ashes scattered]

"That guy I just talked to is rejected-- he's obviously a stoner."
"Yeah, that would not be good."
"Whatever, I just don't want someone who's obvious."

"I just Googled him, he's totally fat."
"You can't not interview someone because they're fat--that's discriminatory."
"Whatever, he's obviously been discriminating against exercise and vegetables for years."

Of course, being pretty isn't enough either. "Ugh, God, look the picture this biatch has on Facebook, Atlas."
"Huh...she has really nice eyes."
"Nice eyes? That's what guys say when they're mesmerized by breasts. I'm not becoming the ugly girl in the office."

So what does this prove? Admittedly, not much.

Just that, once again, working in Hollywood is a complete and total crapshoot that is almost totally unrelated to competence, talent, or intelligence. But you already knew that, right?

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Anonymous Anonymous said...


4:07 PM

Blogger G Man said...

wow! too bad!

4:11 PM

Anonymous another_assistant said...

OMG-this really is what hiring people in Hollywood is like. I love you. I love your blog. Please keep writing, "Atlas".

7:35 PM

Anonymous ha ha said...

lol i was a fox news intern. i took it off my resume maybe a year ago.

5:24 PM

Blogger Amy R. Butler said...

Wait... another state has beat out New Jersey as the armpit of the nation? Excellent!

7:38 PM

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