Meet the Reason Movies Suck- Joan Graves: 6.10

If you've ever wondered why Hollywood movies suck so much, look no further than the chief censor-harpy of CARA, the Classification and Ratings Administration for the MPAA (Muthafuckin Pathological A-hole "Artists").

Her name is Joan Graves, and she is the reason.

Defamer ran a piece on this cuntface and it brought back so many memories...

...Of Joan Graves eviscerating a terribly smart little indie film for 'adult content' which she takes to mean as "anything that might challenge accepted ideas and/or cause people to think."

...Of Joan Graves refusing to hear any sort of rational arguments and citing the 'votes' of her handpicked 'board' (when in fact, the Joan-led "group discussions" make it clear how members should vote)

...Of Joan Graves treating me like a normal human being when repping a studio, but like a leper when repping an indie.**

But Atlas, you say, how can one woman be responsible for so many bad movies?

Why, with the magic of Hollywood, that's how!

The unregulated and omnipotent monopoly that is the MPAA (composed of, and controlled by, the major studios) chooses the head of CARA (our gal Joan). This supposedly makes him or her 'independent.'

Kind of like how the Wall Street Journal is independent of Rupert Murdoch.

So then Joan chooses a board of cronies who have 'no special qualifications' that might make them reliable proxies for the sentiments of Americans.

The anonymous members of CARA are supposed to be parents of kids under 16 or 18, but mostly aren't. Instead, she uses retirees and older housewives (read: conservatives) with a few token crazies thrown in, because they're cheaper and easier to control.

And just in case anyone starts to get any fresh ideas, they're all drowned out by a massive group-think session after each movie. This allows Joan to carefully guide the votes in her desired direction.

Basically, this makes her able to give the studios what they want: no censorship on their movies, but a whole heap of trouble for indies. So studios can put out movies like the new Rambo with as much mindless violence as they want, while good movies get censored so much that they suck--or they eschew ratings and get no distribution.

Oh--and if you're wondering why any filmmaker would subject their art to such a blatantly rigged system, remember that your film must have a rating to get into 95%+ of theaters in the US. It's an unfair monopoly that should be illegal. It should make you mad. And it should change. Now.

Unfortunately, that would take a non-Republicanized anti-trust branch at the Justice Department or an act of Congress, whose Democrats are in the thrall of Hollywood. So good luck with that. In the meantime, I can only recommend what I always recommend: burn the city to the ground.

For more on this issue, go watch this excellent, behind-the-scenes, cheekily fun but kinda depressing movie: This Film Is Not Yet Rated. It's a must-see for anyone with film industry aspirations. And hopefully, it will convince you to avoid this dark, terrible business like the plague.

**In her interview with her Stanford alumni magazine, she asserts that studios have it easier because they have a designated liaison and know the system. This is absolute crap. She knows who pays the bills.