Clawing to escape the belly of the beast here in Hollywood. To commiserate, email my name assistantatlas at yahoo.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Collected Sloane Comments: 1.49

Many of you have come to look fondly/amusedly upon Sloane, my crazy boss. If you're one of them, you'll like this post. It consists of many of my favorite Sloane quotes. Sorry about the censorship, but remember, GoogleAds will declare me obscene and take away my ads if I use actual curse words.

"Paramount? F**k Paramount. All the companies with Paramount deals have become f**kin p*ssies. If I could blow up one studio, it'd be Paramount."
[I have to agree on this one-- they're all scared of doing, well...anything]

"Tom Cruise is just waiting to come out until his career starts heading in the same direction as Brooke Shields'."
[I dunno- Tom Cruise is no Rock Hudson, there will be more "I-told-you-so" than shock]

"Poor Katie Holmes. I hope her publicist apologized for the STDs."
[the last theoretically-virgin actress engages in heavy public make-out with a sexually ambiguous longtime megastar: I think she should be happy if she doesn't get more than lip herpes]

"I miss Lindsay Lohan's boobs."
[I miss not seeing all of Lindsay's bones when I look at her]

"Have there been any shark movies lately?"
[this is for the kids who like "Query Letters I Love"-- and yes, sadly, he did ask this]

"Revenge of the Sith? More like Revenge of the Suck. [laughs to self] I'm such a poet."
[Sorry, Sloane, Variety's "Sith Hits the Fan" joke was much funnier]

Maggie: "Mr. X from Paramount is on the phone again. What should I tell him?"
Sloane: "Tell him to go f**k himself then hang up."
Maggie: [laughs] "So are you available?"
Sloane: "Maggie, I wasn't joking."
[Maggie's facial expression was even funnier than this exchange]

"I bet teenagers all across America are jerking off to that Paris Hilton commercial"
[the Carl's Jr. ad makes Paris the obvious front-runner for most jerked-off-to celebrity of the year]

And finally. . .

"Bubbles, could you come in here and scratch this itch for me?"

[if you're just tuning in Sloane and clueless intern Bubbles are having an illicit affair]