Slang and Cool New Terms Edition: 1.46

I love the English language. One of the main reasons is because it’s so open to slang. It’s gonna be the global language because it’s so damn fun, not because the US is the remaining global superpower. Certainly not for that reason.

Truly, let’s thank Britain, India, Canada, Australia, South Africa, Ireland, New Zealand, Jamaica and many others for their contributions to making English THE global language. Population-wise English looks to be an official language of literally billions of people now. But unlike Chinese, it’s a billion people all over the planet. You can call Kenya and it’s crystal clear because you’d both be all about speaking English. Of course, the person on the other end of the phone probably speaks English and about four other languages, unlike you. But that doesn’t matter, because everyone is going to speak English soon! Yay!
But English needs to be constantly reinvigorated if it’s going to stay on top. Let’s take a look at some problem areas.

We need a new word for ‘hack’ in the computer-y sense. It has lost its cachet. I nominate “splice” to replace it in hipster vocab. I just like the way it sounds better. Splice. Say it. Splice. Sweet, right?

What’s the word for ‘cool’ now? Can it not be ‘hot’? Because I’d rather go back to ‘tubular’.

Anyone know any cool foreign words that can be used to replace the following– [obscure languages like Danish, Uzbek and Bantu preferred]– “hella”, “greed” [which doesn’t sound evil anymore], “duh” and “whatever”?

This divisive “soda” vs. “pop” issue needs to be settled. I say we just have Coke pay us all to refer to it only as that, kind of like everyone calls them Kleenex instead of ‘tissues’.

“Red state” and “blue state” divisions should return to their original formulations– “idiots” and “pansies”.

So let's work together-- it's our language, let's make sure it remains the super-duper-sweetest language on the whole planet.