Clawing to escape the belly of the beast here in Hollywood. To commiserate, email my name assistantatlas at yahoo.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Who Should Join the Crew? You?: 1.47

Anonymous Commentary has been restored-- until I start getting spammed again. So comment away without fear of retribution. Looking for Ryan Seacrest info? See posts below. I still haven't answered your questions? Email

As promised, here are the potential guest bloggers for next season's Assistant/Atlas. The questions is: who do you want to see? All of these people are actual friends of mine, many will know who they are, some have yet to hear of the blog. [side note: I'm not very good at this whole 'secret identity' thing] Who do you think Assistant/Atlas should ask to join the blog? Please read the following descriptions and decide who/what you want to see. This is your chance to change the course of an up-and-coming blog, people, so take it by commenting! I must know what you want!

ACRONYM GIRL Occupation: Assistant at an agency so big, you know it by its acronym. A native New Yorker, Acronym Girl has an outsized personality that you can't help but appreciate, plus great inside scoops from the very belly of the beast. Plus, she can be one sarcastic bitch. Trust me, that's a plus.

Assistant ART DIRECTOR Occupation: Assistant director of an art gallery. This swingin' chick can give you the details on where to get down or get arty or both at the same time. If you want this site to tell you where it's cool to go out and about, then you'll want Art Director on board.

Assistant DESIGN GUY Occupation: Assistant set designer. Design Guy works for a popular sitcom, is a Midwestern transplant like Atlas. He's also wonderfully Jewish and, if this weren't anonymous, would kill me for telling people he used to appear in musicals.

GEEKY ROOMMATE Occupation: Assistant editor. I've mentioned him before, but my geeky roommate would probably be great fun for the inner geeks I know most of you have. He's a good writer and funny, and since he lives with me, it'd be easy for him to blog. So that's a plus. He's already working on a guest column.

Assistant INDY Occupation: Assistant to independent script analysts. This guy has a great independent-minded aesthetic and is one of the handful of people in Tinseltown who has managed not to sell his soul--yet. Great for indie and international film reviews, but I know for a fact he watches "American Idol"-- so even he's not totally pure.

JUNGLE COMPUTER Occupation: Tech geek. Former jungle dj turned respectable computer programmer, this Queens-raised, Manhattan-bred, California-chilled wunderkind can nerd out on topics as diverse as Andy Roddick and absinthe.

QUEER EYE for the Cameraguy Occupation: Production Assistant. Constantly redefining flamboyant, Queer Eye for the Cameraguy would give an unabashedly gay view on just about any subject. He's also a film snob, so expect rants about anything that doesn't do well at Cannes and Sundance.

TRAILER MAKER Occupation: Makes movie trailers. This girl can't be called an "assistant" anymore. She must now be called "Associate Producer". Anyway, she's a good movie reviewer, wants to be a Bond girl more than anything, and would be a great trailer/buzz critic.

Assistant UNEMPLOYED Occupation: None. Ah, the trials and tribulations of working a crappy job you don't like after graduating from USC, while trying to find an equally-crappy job in her industry of choice amidst monstrous competition. Oh, Assistant Unemployed might not be happy, but she'll have some great [hopefully, funny] horror stories of the job market.

Please let me know who you'd like to see-- and why, hopefully-- in the comments section.

Of course, if you think you'd be a better guest blogger than anyone else, why not write Assistant Atlas and say so? You've got to be in the entertainment industry, and live in LA or NYC-- other than that, it's open to anyone. I'll need to know your occupation, your niche [like the ones above, for example] and get a blog-writing sample. If it rocks and you're willing to write a post or two each month, I may ditch my pals and go with you. Just email your stuff to


Anonymous McNasty said...

Atlas, put Assistant Unemployed, Trailer Maker, and Geeky Roommate on the show!

If your stories are this amusing and you're IN the industry, Assistant Unemployed has to have some great stories about trying to break in. Trailer Maker's a must-have 'cause I'm sure she has to muster all of her creativity to "splice" (there, I said it. Not the way you'd prefer, but at least I used it in a sentence) crappy footage into an enticing trailer. Last but not least, Geeky Roommate is like the Robin to your Batman. Every series with a faithful sidekick has at least one episode where the sidekick gets to save the day (or, in this case, save you from carpal tunnel). It's damn near an industry by-law.

5:57 PM

Anonymous the_plot_thickens said...

I'd like to see the art girl, if only for the party info. Never can have too many options when it comes to getting down. And definitely Trailer Maker, cuz that's an interesting job to start with and she'd probably have cool stories, too.

6:14 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Atlas, all due respect, I'm voting for JUNGLE COMPUTER because I'm tired of John Singleton being the only black man behind the camera in Hollywood.

7:01 PM

Blogger Assistant Atlas said...

For the record, four of the nine potential guest bloggers are black people-- Acronym Girl, Queer Eye for the Cameraguy and Assistant Unemployed are the three others. And technically, Jungle Computer isn't behind a camera, he's behind a computer. Also, how'd you know he's black?

7:41 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm not the same guy as before and I don't mean to sound racist or anything, but well, he IS from Queens. A white jungle dj from Queens? The likelihood that such a person exists is small-- that he'd be working in LA as a computer programmer, even smaller.

7:53 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I definitely want Acronym Girl! Also, in case Mustang Sally or Meg from Query Letters I Love offer to chime in...

5:26 AM

Blogger Erin said...

I vote TRAILER MAKER or UNEMPLOYED.... because they're chicks. I dunno. Though I'm also an unemployed chick trying to break into the stupid industry in L.A.... and I have no great job hunt stories.

6:12 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Acronym Girl since you clearly don't work at somewhere of any size or power.

11:51 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

My vote is a tie for Jungle Computer and Acronym Girl.

1:12 PM

Blogger Matt said...

When you need some filler material, feel free to link to anything on my Hollywood News blog:


6:12 PM


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