Clawing to escape the belly of the beast here in Hollywood. To commiserate, email my name assistantatlas at yahoo.

Monday, July 10, 2006

I Miss Phil Gordon and Other Bravo Observations: 5.12

So, I've definitively joined the Tivo revolution. It's pretty sweet thus far. Although apparently my Tivo thinks I'm a little gay, although I'm sure Tivo would tell me that I'm just sophisticated. Because it's been recording Bravo whenever it gets the chance.

Thus I've been watching the latest season of "Celebrity Poker Showdown", in between continually mildly disappointing episodes of Entourage.

Look, here's the point, Bravo. I don't care what it takes, but get him back. Bjs, strippers, a bunch of midgets on a monster truck, I don't care. Get Phil Gordon back. Because I seriously can't watch the show at this point. And some people are REALLY broken up about it.

And while that's a very small problem for me, Bravo, it's a very big problem for you. Because this new guy and Foley (who is awesome and should also be showered with money and bjs to stay) don't have chemistry. In fact, they seem like they hate each other. And not in that fun buddy cop way.

Here's the point: It sucks. I'm going to stop watching. Fix it.

Kathy Griffin, though, who is the only celebrity** in the world who knows what I look like, should actually do a buddy cop movie with Tyra Banks. I think it'd be funny.

Kathy currently has an enjoyable show in "My Life on the D-List". Seriously, it's pretty darn funny. Crazy, D-List-y stuff happens. She goes to Iraq and gets big laughs with vagina-jokes. She gets the keys to the city in like, Kentucky or someplace, and the mayor doesn't even show up. And her niece nearly gets herpes from Talan from Laguna Beach. Plus, she wisely makes liberal usage of her stand-up footage. And good standup is hard to find.

She once called herself a "Helping Television Whore." And you are, Kathy. But Kathy, the fact that you called it first makes it okay. Because if only Seacrest was as honest as you. . . well, American Idol might be different for one thing.
Ms. Heidi Klum-Seal.
Project Runway 3 is also starting to air. I mildly like it, but honestly, Heidi Klum needs to be pregnant all the time. Either that, or I've developed a severe case of pregnantophilia. I swear it's all the hot Hollywood moms that's doing it. And my member.

Queer Eye is back. I saw the one they did with the model guy and Tyson Beckford. Is Tyson an ass or is Perez coked out of his gourd? Probably both.

**Unless you count Kevin & Bean. Which I don't.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for pointing out that Perez Hilton is "coked out of his gourd."

Not that I like Tyson Beckford, but still it had to be said. Well done.

11:28 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kevin and Bean fuckin' rock. You're just an ungrateful little biyotch.

12:17 AM


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